Cogito, Ergo Sum

I think, therefore I am.
(Aren't you impressed with my fancy Latin knowledge?)

Over the last few months I have looked in depth at the power of thought.  I've read several books and experimented in applying a lot of my findings to myself.

Take a look at this gem:
"Mind is the Master--
Power that molds and makes, 
And Man is Mind, 
And ever more he takes 
The Tool of Thought, 
And shaping what he wills, 
Brings forth a thousand joys, 
A thousand ills--
He thinks in secret and it comes to pass; 
Environment is but his looking-glass"

Consider that.  The effect of any experience we have is molded purely by the power of our minds.  Man is mind, therefore, we are able to control and use that tool to shape our experiences for good or bad.  Even the thoughts you do not act on are influencing you.  The world around us, our lives, are reflections of how well we are wielding that tool.

When I have a bad day, I have begun to ask myself, "how am I using my greatest tool?"  Being of course, my mind.  Every time, I realize that the point in time where things go wrong, is the point when I have allowed my mind to run in the wrong direction.

This is not to say that our thoughts will always mold our environments to be ideal.  If someone is rude to me, I can not think an apology out of them.  I can, however, choose to think the best of that person, and refuse to allow those words to have a lasting effect.

That's an easy one.  Let's get a little more gritty.

Let's say I've made some really bad choices that have landed me with a crippling addiction.  It has depleted my health, mental wellness, and distanced my loved ones.  I can not think those loved ones back to me, or erase my choices.  But what can my tool accomplish?  Tools are made to build.  The power of thought can build a happy life, but I must learn how to handle it.  Confront your weakness, make a conscious commitment, surround yourself with support, detach yourself from the opinions of those who don't support you.  

What I am trying to get across is the miracle that YOUR THOUGHTS can get you through the most crucial elements of any goals you have in your life!

Try it, I dare you.
Just think about it.


Pun intended.

The Tooth Fairy

I was recently asked, "If a movie were made of your life, do you think people would watch it?"

At the risk of sounding cocky, absolutely.

I've had a pretty good amount of adventures in my time.  The fact that I am still pretty young is encouraging to me.  There are many adventures to look forward to.  One of the main reasons I started this blog was to have a place to regale an imaginary audience with my treasure trove of stories.  I'm happy to know that my audience isn't as imaginary these days.

I hope I will continue to amuse you.  And only on rare occasions will I attempt to make you cry.  Promise.

Today's recollection stems from my childhood.

I wouldn't go as far as to say I was a gullible kid.  Not really gullible.  But eager to believe in the fantastic.  Unicorns?  Obviously real.  Narnia?  I tried my closet on a daily basis.  Peter Pan?  I waited by my window every night.  Don't get me started on Santa.  The big guy and I have a rich history.

But this story is how I debunked the Tooth Fairy.

The tooth fairy to me was a serious pursuit.  It was one of the few mythical creatures that left evidence.  After losing my first tooth, and finding a couple quarters under my pillow, two things went through my head:

1. Tooth Fairy is a cheapskate.
2. I'm going to catch her next time and get at least a dollar.

Now a few lost teeth came and went, and I missed the little sneak every time.  Never more than 50 cents.  Sometimes she would throw in a piece of candy.  It infuriated me.  I remember telling my dad that I was getting gypped, and he told me the Tooth Fairy's budget was probably getting cut.

Nice cover, Dad.

The day came that I lost my last baby tooth.  The last one.  It was now or never.

I went to bed that night, tooth under pillow, and stayed on watch as long as my eyes would allow.  As the hours wore on, they became very heavy...

I jolted awake very early.  The sun was not quite up yet.  I panicked, and looked for quarters, but found my tooth still under my pillow.  I was relieved.  I hadn't missed her yet!  I was concerned though, because I knew that once the sun came up, she would have to wait until the next night.

I ran to my parent's room, because my mother was the authority on all things mythical (I'm so glad to this day she encouraged my rampant imagination).  I whispered hurriedly that the Tooth Fairy had not arrived yet, and sunrise was not far off.  My mother exclaimed that the Tooth Fairy must have had a very packed route that night.  She was sure that I would not be missed though, and told me to get back in bed and go to sleep, just to make sure.

So I did.  I dove back into the blankets, and did my best fake snore.  Ten minutes passed.  Fifteen.  I cracked my eye open and spotted the beginning of the sunrise outside.  I bolted to my mother's bedside again and declared rather bossily that the Tooth Fairy was running out of time.  My dear mother groggily defended the winged creature, and told me to try one more time to go back to sleep.

I cocooned myself in bed once again, and slowed my breathing.  Cracking my eyes open enough to catch any movement.

After about ten minutes, I heard my bedroom door open.  I was a little confused, because I had always imagined the Tooth Fairy using the window.  Her footsteps also sounded kind of heavy.  How big is this lady exactly?  Isn't the Tooth Fairy little, like Tinkerbell?  I couldn't resist any longer.

My eyes flew open and so did my mouth.

My mother stood before me with a guilty look on her face, two quarters and a piece of butterscotch candy in hand.  She was reaching for my pillow.

"Mooooommmm...?" I drew out, starting to put two and two together.

Needless to say, the illusion was officially shattered.

In the days that followed, my sweet mother would insist that she was called in by the Tooth Fairy to pick up my stop.  But it was too late.  I knew the truth.

The Tooth Fairy and my mother were the same person.

And my mom was not a fairy.

The Tooth Fairy was a lie.

My young heart was not too broken.  After all, I still had a chance to catch Santa on Christmas Eve.  He still hadn't brought me that pony I kept asking for.

Off My Chest.

Hello love, I'm happy to see you again.

Let's do what I do best, and talk in depth about my life.

As you may recall, I lost my job a couple months back.  At the time, it felt like getting dumped.  I had poured my heart and soul into a relationship, and felt it was mutual.  When I was let go, I was told that I was perfect for the company, yet there was too high a percentage of office error.  When that happens, they are obligated to cut down the areas where the highest level of error lies.  At the time that made sense to me.  A company has to make money to survive.  This was a business.  I hadn't realized I had fallen so far off the track.  I left that job feeling guilty.  A failure.  After all, in my exit interview, hadn't they said I was perfect for this company?

After the shock wore off, and I was feeling more myself again, I stepped back and realized that my old job has a massive flaw.  I wonder if they realize.

I've debated writing about this for some time.  Because I still consider the people I worked with there, some of the highest caliber of people I've ever met.  I'm sure a handful of them will read this.  But if nothing else, I gotta keep myself honest.

See working there, they work hard to make it fun.  And making people feel valued.  Which I love.

But.

Let's go back to my relationship analogy.

If you are dating someone who tells you you are perfect, makes your life fun, and constantly emphasizes that you are part of a family, you expect that relationship to last, providing your efforts are mutual, of course.

Here is what will always leave a slightly bitter taste in my mouth about that job -
Don't promote that the office is a "family" if you have a capacity limit on their strengths and weaknesses.  And don't promote the office is a "family" if you don't acknowledge them after you let them go. (Liking my Facebook status once in a while hardly counts).

I stand by that company as a great one, and I would recommend their services, hands-down over their competition.  But sometimes there are gaping holes you don't see until you are on the other side.

Anyone who has lost a "great" job can level with me on that one.

Now fast forward to the present.
Oh goodness, there will be a whole separate blog post on this soon, I promise.
I will just say though...
My life has transformed 100% in the most incredible way.

I won't go into a ton of detail yet, but I won't leave you entirely in the dark.

I am healthier then I've been in years.
I get to spend my days at home with my son.
I am actually going to be able to finish my books.  Hallelujah.
I will be able to help my husband quit his job soon (Oh, that gives me goosebumps).
Which means my husband and I get to work together, from home.
Or from Europe.  Which is also in the plans.
My husband can enjoy going to school, minus the rat-race pressure.
We are able to hand-pick the people we want to work with.
(On a slightly braggy note, sorry, but it helps that a large percentage of these people are wildly successful millionaires).
Best of all, I've never been more at peace with myself.  Guys, it turns out, I am pretty awesome.

Yep, that's what I said.

I Came Across This Gem

I think I am addicted to notebooks.  I have SO MANY.

I don't know if this is a "me" thing, or a writer thing, but every time I pass an aisle of notebooks or journals at any given store, I want one.  I just have these visions of filling each one up with lovely thoughts.  

*contemplate Peter Pan tangent... no, that obsession will have to wait for another day.*

Anyhow, I came across some really great pieces I had forgotten about.  I thought I would share one with you.  It must have been written sometime last year shortly after having my son...

It is entitled, "Forgetful Lucy"

I'd like to write a poem today,

But frankly, I don't know what to say.

My life of late has been quite dull

The daily grind, the push and pull.

Wake up early, feed your child

Keep him in check or he'll run wild.

Try to remember you have to eat

As you attempt to keep things neat.

The laundry should be folded, I know

But my baby's diaper decided to blow

Running, running here and there,

My sanity never had a prayer.

Oh Past Jessica, I promise, it does get much easier.

Too Good to be True

What is my life?

The last 4 days have provided so many turning points, I feel as though there is some mental whiplash going on.  In the best way.

Let's walk through the chain of events, shall we?

-Get fired from my job.

-Decide the best course of action is to move to Utah.

-Work out details, timing, and finances.

-Spend a full day freaking out about finances.

-Pray for God to send us a solution.

-Isagenix saves EVERYTHING.

I have gone from jobless, confused, and unsure about a future...

To having a plan, purpose, drive, and hey, a basically free vacation to San Diego for our first ever Isagenix convention!  

Funny, I thought I wasn't going to get to see those beaches this summer.  Hm.  It would appear the universe wants me to win a few after all.

I feel like this kid:

We are SO excited!

And yes, that is the understatement of the year.

Guys, this experience has literally caused me to rethink everything I had dreamed, and handed me the tools to make everything a reality.

Do you know the phrase, when the door closes, God will open a window?  Well, I feel like He just demolished the whole wall, and oh, the light is pouring in!

We will get through school debt free.  We will have the time, resources, and health to enjoy our lives the way WE WANT TO.  We have found a tool that is placing no limits on how fast or free we can become!  If I had known this was possible before, I would not have wasted a week, nay, a second on anything else but this stark realization.

My husband and I have not slept the last two nights, because we are so overwhelmed with how blessed we have become in such a short amount of time.  

Do you know that feeling you get on Christmas Eve as a kid?  You lay in bed, all jittery and excited.  Your brain is moving too fast to follow, and you feel as though you could burst at any second with the giddy happiness floating in the air?

I have been feeling it every day this week.  I know I will feel it every day next week, and next month, and next year.  Because freedom is so, so incredibly close.

Guys, I am happy.  I can't even remember the last time I was this full of joy and purpose.

My life is perfection.

As I weep tears of overwhelmed joy, I am so thankful for my family, friends, and this incredible company for getting our life going on our terms.

If you don't think that complete personal, physical and financial freedom is impossible.  Think again.  It's closer than you think!

It's Not You...

Unemployment.  Yeck.

Yes, I've got my blues music playing.  I get at least 1 day to wallow in self-pity.  And it is 11 o'clock.  So I still have one hour to go.  Then pity party over.

*Sigh* - and I didn't even get balloons.

I got dumped guys, and I won't pretend it didn't sting a bit.  Let me explain this in traditional Jessica style.

Foxy* and Jessica - A Love Story

(*name totally changed)

Foxy and I had a great relationship from the start.  He offered me all the riches and comforts I desired, and praised me for my every quality.  I was so smart, witty, confident, charismatic, capable.  Foxy, well, so was he.  I dove in with all the passion of a new love.  Every hour I spent with Foxy was like a missing puzzle piece I had finally found.  There was a completeness and driving momentum to make it even better.  And in the beginning, we excelled with one another.

Of course Foxy had flaws, the same as I did.  But I think in the beginning, we both did not care to see them in each other.  We were made for each other it seemed, why ruin a good thing?  Doubts formed, and were just as swiftly brushed aside.  I guess I should have listened.  The signs were there.

Foxy and I had an open relationship, I guess you could say.  It didn't mind sharing.  In fact, I felt included in a family of sorts.  Foxy couldn't help it, he was so easy to love.  People were drawn to him.

Foxy was warm, accepting.  You'd never have thought he was capable of turning someone away.

But this morning, Foxy looked me right in the eye, and told me I was perfect, but not perfect enough.  I felt my mind go numb, and the contradictions flew left and right.  But I didn't know how to form the sentences.  I couldn't even be mad.  Even in rejecting me, Foxy managed to make me feel loved.  If you've never experienced a confusing emotion, try that sucker on for size.

And even now, now that I have been able to process and adapt.  Now I lack anger or indignation.  Because Foxy did give me an invaluable gift.

The knowledge that I am good enough.  To be nothing but myself.  Our love affair was brief, passionate, and heart-breaking in the end.  But, don't they make the best love stories anyway?  Shakespeare wrote tragedies for a reason.

Foxy, you'll always hold a special place in my heart.  Curse you for your happiness-driven, honorable ways.

And that will be that, with that.

If You Don't Like Blues Music, You're Wrong

How do I help someone understand why I love blues, jazz and soul, so so much?  This type of music gets personal.  It gets gritty, and sarcastic, and passionate, and seductive at times.  It is exactly the roller coaster I want to ride.

I used to live in Utah, and I met someone there who proceeded to introduce me to Blues dancing.  I just looked at her, bewilderment and gratitude swimming in my eyes, and stuttered to her, "this is a real thing?"

She just smiled, and began to teach me.

Thank you Laura.

I have since attempted to teach my husband how to dance to blues music, and he actually catches on pretty well.  I'm grateful he tries, because it really is therapeutic for me.

If you are curious what blues dancing looks like, take a gander:

It is very much like a tango, but, just, so much more fun.

That being said and shown, here is a list of some really fantastic tracks.  Blues, jazz, and fusion.  For listening and dancing alike, in no particular order:


1. The Big Bang - Katy Tiz
2. My Boy Builds Coffins - Florence and the Machine (THIS version)
3. Sexy Silk - Jessie J
4. Grounds For Divorce - Elbow
5. Damn Your Eyes - Alex Clare
6. Skyfall - Madilyn Bailey
7. Volcano - Damien Rice
8. Poison - The Silent Comedy
9. Layla - Eric Clapton
10. Damn Right, I've Got The Blues - Buddy Guy
11. Til The Casket Drops - ZZ Ward
12. Bottom of the River - Delta Rae
13. Get Back Temptation - Ollabelle
14. Eyes On Fire - Zeds Dead RMX - Blue Foundation
15. Who Will Comfort Me - Melody Gardot
16. Broken - Lauren Hoffman
17. Got My Mojo Workin' - Asylum Street Spankers
18. Knockin' - Carolina Chocolate Drops
19. Really, any rendition of St. James Infirmary.
20. Black - Kari Kimmel
21. Feeling Good - Michael Buble
22. Relax My Beloved - Alex Clare
23. Dreaming With a Broken Heart - John Mayer
24. Cyclone - Ernie Halter
25. Bartholomew - The Silent Comedy
26. Cold Turkey - Anthony David
27. Breathe Me - Sia
28. Ain't No Sunshine - Lighthouse Family
29. My Discarded Men - Eartha Kitt
30. Summertime - Renee Olstead
31. Sinkin' Soon - Norah Jones
32. Inside Out - Imelda May
33. Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) - Nancy Sinatra
34. Skin and Bones - David J. Roch
35. The Garden - Mirah
36. Come Together - Joe Cocker
37. Le Ballet - Celine Dion
38. Stay With Me Tonight - Emma Wallace
39. Blues 2.0 - Fruteland Jackson
40. Me and Mrs. Jones - Michael Buble

P.S. My ultimate favorite song to blues dance to is Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer.  Ugh.  Perfection.