When You Witness A Miracle

I've been witness to a miracle.
And no, I don't mean that in an I've-seen-something-pretty-astounding-that-surprised-me way.
I mean, a 100% authentic, life-altering, makes you weep tears of joy miracle.

Let me paint you a picture.

(Please note, I promise not to exaggerate if you promise to read to the end, deal?)

It was August, 2014.  My husband and I had been married for 2 and a half years.

First of all, our bodies were 100% done.  I was working a job where Red Bull was my main source of fluid, and Josh (attempting to work through as much school per semester as our schedules would allow) was on the easy-to-grab diet.  We had both gained weight that refused to leave.  But more than the weight, we were so tired.  When I say tired? I mean, utterly spent.  Waking up was a chore, maintaining mental clarity was taxing, and exercise?  We'd get discouraged too quickly to give it a try.  Keeping up with my toddler was equivalent to running a marathon.

We're in our early 20's... we felt like 50.

Second, work left us unfulfilled.  In fact, last August I was let go from a job that has assured me most emphatically, they would be keeping me long term.  A job that told me on a weekly basis I was doing amazing.  In fact, 2 days before they dismissed me, I chatted in my manager's office about my position with the company, and he had told me it was concrete.  My dear husband was racing to finish school, for a job he had told me, more than once, he was not close to passionate about.  He knew it was a means to an end: supporting a family.  He felt noble in that.  He felt like it was enough. That broke my heart.  I wanted more for him.  So much more!  Our schedules were so busy, we saw each other maybe 1 or 2 days a week, if we were lucky.

We were knowingly accepting a life of mediocrity.

Third, we no longer felt like ourselves.  We were not happy.  Things that used to consume me, like my writing, music, being outdoors, dancing... meant little.  The love of my life hardly played basketball, hadn't done a drawing in months, and seemed mildly supportive at his highest of high.  We would wonder to each other "what happened?" Was this simply a slump that all married couples go through?  When does it end?  On paper we are doing what we are supposed to... but why do I feel so DANG EMPTY?!

One day, enough was enough.  If we had to break the norm to do it, dang it, we would.
So we changed a few things.

And we started being reeeeal honest with each other, and ourselves about what we really wanted.

He said, I want to be home with you all the time.

I said, I want that too.

I said, I want to have a body that feels like it should.

He said, I want us to feel young.

I said, I want to travel.

He said, I don't want to work behind a desk my whole life.

I said, I want to help people.

He said, I want to build a financial legacy for our children.

I said, I need to finish my book.

He said, you need to finish your book.

I said, I want another baby.

He said, I'll help!

We said, no more mediocre.  No more typical.  No more monotony.

We said, what if?...

And we said, the only thing standing in our way, is US.

Here is a new picture.

It is February, 2015.  My husband and I have been married for 3 years and 2 months.

First of all, we are at our healthiest since we've been married.  It gets better every day.  We exercise (which is pretty impressive for me, because I am now pregnant with our second child), and enjoy it!  I can think clearly, and all the fog is GONE.  Josh has lost so much weight, we are needing to reconstruct his wardrobe!  We have the energy two adults in their early 20's SHOULD have.  We enjoy eating healthy, and have incorporated a nutritional cleansing system that is out of this WORLD.  In fact, as I type this, my husband is breaking in another pair of new workout shoes at the gym.  Oh, and he plays basketball every week.  The boys he plays with have started calling him THE HOSCH.  Yeah, like THE HULK.

Second, we have found it.  Our dream job.  We now help people gain ownership of their lives, physically and financially, and enjoy telling the status quo to SHOVE IT.  We work for ourselves, so no chance of losing this job!  Ever.  It has ignited such a passion in us, we can't imagine doing anything else.  It is bringing us closer and closer to ending those "day jobs" forever, and working from home as a team every day!  Yeah, we're not mad about it. ;D

And third.  We have long talks about where we are at.  As humans, individuals, a couple, parents, etc.  And we are in agreement, we are the happiest selves we've been in years.  Complete, whole, fulfilled, assured.

And guys, I weep those tears of joy at least every other day.  Maybe this doesn't seem like a miracle to you, but my life has taken a turn in the opposite direction.  And it is amazing over here.

You know what's funny, too?  All those years spent going by the textbook were supposed to offer so much structure, assurance, stability, and happiness.  And we never felt that way for a minute.  Fear, though.  A lot of that.

And now?  People have called us crazy, that our choices are unstable, and will fail us in the end.  We've been told that we should be realistic.

I don't know guys, what I'm feeling is pretty real.
I'm not afraid anymore.
I have such an overwhelming sense of peace.

I am telling you.
Miracle.

Pretty Spectacular

Merry (belated) Christmas!  I hope you romped and frolicked and dined and enjoyed the most lovely niceties of a holiday nature. :)

I was enjoying a quiet house this afternoon while my son napped, and my husband was at work, allowing thoughts to wander (which they are wont to do).  I experienced a really lovely moment of clarity, looking back on the events of 2014.  It has been, I think without doubt, the most challenging year to date, for me.  This is due to the undeniable fact that in this year, I believe I have grown more within myself than at any other time of my life.  That is to say, I believe at this point and time, I know myself better than I ever have.

For anyone that has spent any time trying to accomplish this intensely personal feat, you will no doubt nod your head when I profess that it is one of the most frightening adventures you can attempt.  I have been forced, none too gently, to confront and overcome some gharish monsters I've been hiding away.  On top of that, I have determined it is time for me to acknowledge my potential.  What I could never have anticipated, is that in doing so, I have come to admit that I have been guilty of settling.

I find it an ugly word.

Other words I have come to despise are: mediocre, average, expected, typical, ordinary, standard, common...

In 2014, the thing I have come to face, again and again, is how little I want these words to serve as a description of my life.

What is to stop me from living the life of my dreams, but my own fears?  I have spent hours and hours reading books and watching documentaries of people who started with a desire, and made it a physical reality.  There are many more than you would ever imagine!  Isn't it amazing how many excuses I've come up with, as to why I could never live an extraordinary life?

What makes it even more funny, is that it isn't as if I am still figuring out my desires.  I know what it is I want to achieve in my life.  Every thrilling, heart-stopping, risk-taking, passionate, heartfelt moment of it.  I am ridiculously fortunate enough to have a husband that not only encourages me to dream big, but puts his dreams right next to mine and holds my hand while we pursue them.  Together.

And so, my dear, few, but lovingly loyal readers, that brings me to right now.

Mark my words.

2015 is my year.

I am standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump with both feet.

I don't know what the fall will bring.

I'll tell you what I do know, though.

I know exactly where I am headed. 

Because the view from up here is pretty spectacular.

To All Single 20-Something Girls - Enough.

Girls, let's chat.

I wrote a blog post a long time ago discussing that Nice Guys (don't) Finish Last.  Give it a read if you would like.  The quick version is, men need to stop wasting time on pursuits that don't fulfill them.  You can't wait for the things you want in life to magically come to you.  You've got to become the kind of person that attracts those things.  I basically threw down the hammer, and let the boys know that the excuses need to stop.

And now, it's your turn.

I recently came across this gem a friend posted on Facebook.  Funnily enough, that friend is a young, single girl in her 20's.  This article isn't the first of it's kind.  To the contrary, over the last year or so, I have seen countless blogs and columns devoted to the excruciating trial of being a young, single female.  Lists, memes, #hashtags, uttered in an attempt to validate how "real" the struggle is.

ENOUGH.

Enough complaining that you seem to repel every male within a mile.  If you need a man to make you happy, you never will be.  And you'll never be able to attract one of the caliber you seem to demand, either.  Yup, I have the audacity to say this as a married woman.  Men do not equate fulfillment, girls.  And REAL men, ones who don't do one night stands, and will hold your hand and take you to meet his mother... well they don't really seek whiny, self-deprecating, unsatisfied, seemingly helpless females.  They'll weed you out of their prospects so fast, you won't even realize you might have had a chance.  You are being guilty of the same thing I mentioned to the guys.  Making every excuse possible so you don't have to blame yourself.  YOU and YOU ALONE attract that which you want to obtain.  There are some great books on the subject.  If you can lower yourself to such an idea, try cracking one open one time.  It's almost as exciting as stalking your ex on Instagram.  Except you get to walk away feeling good about yourself.

Enough complaining about your body.  Forget thigh gaps and tight tummies and flabby arms and wide hips and cellulite butts.  Stop wishing that salads tasted like pizza, and that you could drown in cake.  Stop wishing you could trade bodies with your 13 year old sister.  You know what is more important than looking like a candidate for America's Next Top Model?  Health.  If you want to lose weight, hop on a damn treadmill.  If you hate how soda makes you break out, try a little H2o.  Girls, you act like you have absolutely no control over how you look, and how you feel about your body.  I am a huge supporter of the idea that skinny does not equal beautiful.  I am also a huge supporter in TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF.  Girls, you are in your 20's, and it doesn't get easier from here.  Take a stand, and close your mouth before another gallon of ice cream finds its way in there.  Self control is still a thing.

Enough complaining about other girls having things you want.  If your best friend got engaged, married, or pregnant, you better be congratulating the hell out of her and her significant other.  Especially if you expect people to be happy for you when it's your turn (remember, again, that would mean you have to be the kind of girl to attract a great guy.  Get it together.).  If you are seriously that upset about being asked to be a part of the wedding, you don't deserve to be there.  She's invited you to be a huge part of the most important day of her life.  If that upsets you, your selfishness has hit a new high.

Enough with the selfish, lazy entitlement.  I know that there is an app for everything, but that doesn't mean you have to actually use them for everything.  If you would quit living out of your phone and step out in the world (or even off the couch/bed) once in a while, you might find opportunities to expand yourself.  Just because you are young and striking out on your own... it does not mean you deserve the tan, clothes, house, limo, jewelry, etc. you so often obsess over on Pinterest.  You deserve what you work for.  That's it.

Speaking of work, stop complaining about your job.  We've all worked places that did not make us happy.  Those of us who have solved that problem?  We got ourselves together and looked for something better.  We quit, or took a risk, or sacrificed temporary pleasures for more lasting happiness.  If your boss is that pervy, or your bonus was less than your liking, TAKE ACTION.  You are in a place in your life that you have the time to start over.  

Enough mourning your periods, cramps, and girlish emotions.

Enough jealousy.  SO MUCH ENOUGHNESS.  

Enough blaming your parents/siblings/family for situations in your life.  I don't care how messed up or not your family is, if your life is not up to par, you get to blame yourself.  J.K. Rowling said it best: "There is an expiry date on blaming your parents (and I'll also insert family in general) for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you."

Girls, it is a rapidly changing time in history, and with each advance, society becomes more and more entitled, and less willing to examine themselves progressively.  This causes countless social stalemates, and innumerable sources of unattainable pursuits.  Don't let yourself become bitter or absorbed in what you don't have.

Work with what you do have.

And trust me, when you really commit to being the person who can attract your desires... big things happen.

Best of luck.

P.S. Leggings are not pants.

Impossible is a Word to Be Found Only in the Dictionary of Fools

Hello, loves.  Let's have a chat, you and I.

My favorite holiday is fast approaching.  Surprisingly, it is not Christmas, although it could be contended I missed my calling as an elf at the north pole, such is my enthusiasm for this time of year.  No, my favorite holiday is New Year's Eve.  People usually think it odd that New Year's holds such a special place for me, when Christmas and Thanksgiving are contenders.  I suppose I just take it very seriously.

I've always loved something about a fresh start.  As one of my favorite authors, L.M. Montgomery wrote, "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?" 

I've been thinking a lot lately about failure.  The benefits of it, the harshness of it, and the decisions it inspires.  It is a difficult thing to experience, almost like life itself has rejected you.  But the more I examine failure, the more I have come to conclude this:

You can either let it beat you into the ground, or you can pick it up and wield it to achieve victory.

Oh, and isn't it heavy sometimes?  Reality is though - this is the price of dreams.  This is the price of greatness in life: inevitable, crushing, failure.  Maybe the road to your dream will take you through 1 failure, or perhaps 1,000.  There is a girl I know, a lovely Australian girl named Peta Kelly, and she recently put something in perspective for me.  I think you might also find it enlightening.

Pursuing your dreams is not HARD.  Don't you dare ever use that word.  Being blown up in a volcano - that is hard.  Waking up each morning without the gift of water - that is hard.  Not having the ability to move your body -  that is hard.  Being beaten, abused, hungry, dying - THAT IS HARD.  But going after your dreams?  No.  That's not hard.

Not to mention that it is perfectly possible to fail at doing the things that don't make you happy as well!  I learned that when I lost my last office job.  I think Jim Carrey said it best.  Take a look at these words from his commencement address earlier this year at MUM.

"My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn't believe that it was possible for him.  And so, he made a conservative choice.  Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant, and when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job, and our family had to do whatever we could to survive.  I learned many great lessons from my father.  Not the least of which, is that you can fail at what you don't want - so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love."

This upcoming New Year's kickstarts massive action.  I have determined that I will probably fail a lot in 2015.  But I have also determined that I will achieve more success and more of my dreams than ever before.

We live in a day and age in which I have come to believe anything really IS possible.  I recently watched a man explain that the wealthiest places in the world are graveyards, because they are so full of ideas never acted upon, and dreams never made real.

But we're not dead.  YET.

13 days from now marks a whole new year.

I write this all here, because I want you to come with me.  Whatever your heart calls for the most, let this be the time you finally ask for it, and put those words to action.  What EXCITES you?  What makes you smile uncontrollably?  What is it that brings tears to your eyes, you want it so much?

Write it down.
Let's do it together.

She Told Me To Bite The Lemon

Hello, me again.

Because so many other people frequently write this blog.
(zing, still got it)

I recently attended a showcase hosted by a few of the most successful people in my industry.  Pleasantly, I have had the joy of learning from these individuals before, although every instance is a new kind of rush for me.  Let me tell you something about spending lots of time around the elite.

They are where they are because they want it more than you do.
That's it.

They started with just as much debt, doubts, and low self-esteem.  They had little to no support, they feared the unknown, and they had every single rejection that could slash them in the gut.

It is as much a choice for us, as it was for them.  I was reminded of a quote from one of my favorite actors:

"So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as "practicality".  What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect, so we never dare to ask the universe for it!  I'm saying... that you can ask the universe for it.  Life doesn't happen to you, it happens FOR you.  As far as I can tell, it's just about letting the universe know what you want, while working toward it, and while letting go of how it comes to pass." -Jim Carrey

I challenge you to ask yourself when and why you stopped saying you were going to be a pro basketball player, or a singer in a band, or a fashion designer.  When did you stop writing in your journal about the animal shelters you wanted to open, or the hungry children you wanted to help feed?  What about all the places you haven't yet been?  I bet you I know some of the answers.

Which one is it?  Time, money, or both?  Or maybe, you are like me, and sometimes fight the battle of believing you are actually worth a summer home in England.  That you have the ability to reach out and find homes for orphans around the world.  That you can find the words to inspire people to be the best versions of themselves.

Maybe you feel like you can't be a leader, or even a doer.
Please know, I understand.

This last weekend, a beautiful woman by the name of Susan Sly told me that the first thing great achievers need to do is bite the lemon.

Take a good hard look at yourself and acknowledge all the unpleasant, sour, bitter things that are holding you back.  Some of them you can fix and maybe some you can't.  But own up that they are there, and move forward with your plan ANYWAY.  Bite down hard.  Chew those suckers up, and swallow.

If the last few months have taught me anything, it is that the darkness present in my life is NOT who I am.  Perhaps to some that sounds like an obvious conclusion to come to.  Yes, but that is a belief easier said than understood.

It is getting easier every day for me, and my success continues to increase, because I have embraced a simple bit of truth.

I am going to get there either way.
Come hell or high water.
With or without you.

And though I still have to fight the urge to push the lemons in my life aside.
They have lost their power to hold me back.

Kinda makes me a little giddy, truth be told.
-Insert sigh of contentment here-

Cogito, Ergo Sum

I think, therefore I am.
(Aren't you impressed with my fancy Latin knowledge?)

Over the last few months I have looked in depth at the power of thought.  I've read several books and experimented in applying a lot of my findings to myself.

Take a look at this gem:
"Mind is the Master--
Power that molds and makes, 
And Man is Mind, 
And ever more he takes 
The Tool of Thought, 
And shaping what he wills, 
Brings forth a thousand joys, 
A thousand ills--
He thinks in secret and it comes to pass; 
Environment is but his looking-glass"

Consider that.  The effect of any experience we have is molded purely by the power of our minds.  Man is mind, therefore, we are able to control and use that tool to shape our experiences for good or bad.  Even the thoughts you do not act on are influencing you.  The world around us, our lives, are reflections of how well we are wielding that tool.

When I have a bad day, I have begun to ask myself, "how am I using my greatest tool?"  Being of course, my mind.  Every time, I realize that the point in time where things go wrong, is the point when I have allowed my mind to run in the wrong direction.

This is not to say that our thoughts will always mold our environments to be ideal.  If someone is rude to me, I can not think an apology out of them.  I can, however, choose to think the best of that person, and refuse to allow those words to have a lasting effect.

That's an easy one.  Let's get a little more gritty.

Let's say I've made some really bad choices that have landed me with a crippling addiction.  It has depleted my health, mental wellness, and distanced my loved ones.  I can not think those loved ones back to me, or erase my choices.  But what can my tool accomplish?  Tools are made to build.  The power of thought can build a happy life, but I must learn how to handle it.  Confront your weakness, make a conscious commitment, surround yourself with support, detach yourself from the opinions of those who don't support you.  

What I am trying to get across is the miracle that YOUR THOUGHTS can get you through the most crucial elements of any goals you have in your life!

Try it, I dare you.
Just think about it.


Pun intended.

The Tooth Fairy

I was recently asked, "If a movie were made of your life, do you think people would watch it?"

At the risk of sounding cocky, absolutely.

I've had a pretty good amount of adventures in my time.  The fact that I am still pretty young is encouraging to me.  There are many adventures to look forward to.  One of the main reasons I started this blog was to have a place to regale an imaginary audience with my treasure trove of stories.  I'm happy to know that my audience isn't as imaginary these days.

I hope I will continue to amuse you.  And only on rare occasions will I attempt to make you cry.  Promise.

Today's recollection stems from my childhood.

I wouldn't go as far as to say I was a gullible kid.  Not really gullible.  But eager to believe in the fantastic.  Unicorns?  Obviously real.  Narnia?  I tried my closet on a daily basis.  Peter Pan?  I waited by my window every night.  Don't get me started on Santa.  The big guy and I have a rich history.

But this story is how I debunked the Tooth Fairy.

The tooth fairy to me was a serious pursuit.  It was one of the few mythical creatures that left evidence.  After losing my first tooth, and finding a couple quarters under my pillow, two things went through my head:

1. Tooth Fairy is a cheapskate.
2. I'm going to catch her next time and get at least a dollar.

Now a few lost teeth came and went, and I missed the little sneak every time.  Never more than 50 cents.  Sometimes she would throw in a piece of candy.  It infuriated me.  I remember telling my dad that I was getting gypped, and he told me the Tooth Fairy's budget was probably getting cut.

Nice cover, Dad.

The day came that I lost my last baby tooth.  The last one.  It was now or never.

I went to bed that night, tooth under pillow, and stayed on watch as long as my eyes would allow.  As the hours wore on, they became very heavy...

I jolted awake very early.  The sun was not quite up yet.  I panicked, and looked for quarters, but found my tooth still under my pillow.  I was relieved.  I hadn't missed her yet!  I was concerned though, because I knew that once the sun came up, she would have to wait until the next night.

I ran to my parent's room, because my mother was the authority on all things mythical (I'm so glad to this day she encouraged my rampant imagination).  I whispered hurriedly that the Tooth Fairy had not arrived yet, and sunrise was not far off.  My mother exclaimed that the Tooth Fairy must have had a very packed route that night.  She was sure that I would not be missed though, and told me to get back in bed and go to sleep, just to make sure.

So I did.  I dove back into the blankets, and did my best fake snore.  Ten minutes passed.  Fifteen.  I cracked my eye open and spotted the beginning of the sunrise outside.  I bolted to my mother's bedside again and declared rather bossily that the Tooth Fairy was running out of time.  My dear mother groggily defended the winged creature, and told me to try one more time to go back to sleep.

I cocooned myself in bed once again, and slowed my breathing.  Cracking my eyes open enough to catch any movement.

After about ten minutes, I heard my bedroom door open.  I was a little confused, because I had always imagined the Tooth Fairy using the window.  Her footsteps also sounded kind of heavy.  How big is this lady exactly?  Isn't the Tooth Fairy little, like Tinkerbell?  I couldn't resist any longer.

My eyes flew open and so did my mouth.

My mother stood before me with a guilty look on her face, two quarters and a piece of butterscotch candy in hand.  She was reaching for my pillow.

"Mooooommmm...?" I drew out, starting to put two and two together.

Needless to say, the illusion was officially shattered.

In the days that followed, my sweet mother would insist that she was called in by the Tooth Fairy to pick up my stop.  But it was too late.  I knew the truth.

The Tooth Fairy and my mother were the same person.

And my mom was not a fairy.

The Tooth Fairy was a lie.

My young heart was not too broken.  After all, I still had a chance to catch Santa on Christmas Eve.  He still hadn't brought me that pony I kept asking for.