Quiet Murmurs [in my head]

Some days I wish the world to be quiet.  Just enough for my head to be properly sorted.

I have reached a point in my life that has made clear my role in the world.  I suppose I don't quite know how to take it and proceed.  I feel as though I have a profound understanding of my potential, without the means to act on it.  Have you ever felt that way?  Is it heavy for you to carry as well?  Or perhaps you have found a way to let him/her free.  I do hope you will tell me if that is the case.  It is getting awfully cramped in this heart of mine.

I feel as though I am intended to carry out something important, but what, I don't know.  I feel like poor Bilbo.  Unknowing until someone interrupts my morning and points me in the right direction.  Although I have a sinking feeling my push will not come from a wizard in a grey cloak.  Wishful thinking.

Thoughts, thoughts.  It is quiet and dark outside, and my mind is a bottomless pit.

Tumbling like Alice.  Deeper down the hole.

Curioser and curioser?

No rabbit in a waistcoat.

Just cold feet stuck between a couch cushion.

Feeling listless.

But it is peaceful floating here.

I did my taxes yesterday, and it went much better than I anticipated.

What a comfort.

Now I have to find us a new apartment before the fall.  Closer to the school Josh is transferring to.  But not too far.  I found one I like, but my love is not quite convinced yet.  Fingers crossed.

My son is getting so big.  I keep wondering when we should start number two.  Not in the next year, perhaps, but the next?  I don't want them to be too far apart.  

*sigh* I suppose money will be the main decider.

vomit.

I wish we still adhered to the medieval bartering system.  I would make off like a king.  

"Please good sir, for this glorious 2 bedroom apartment, accept my offering of a mini fridge, 4 unused chemistry books, and this delicious casserole as compensation for this month's rent."

"Well young lass, that would be most generous, if it weren't for the stain your child has seemed to embed into the carpet."

"Then perchance I throw in this adjustable desk lamp?  We have a few to spare."

"Aye, that will do.  Another month then!"

It would be easier, and less hassle than throwing yard sales every few months for all the crap we seem to accumulate.

Then again, I assume my landlord would have use for our crap.

But this is also MY pretend world.  I do what I want.

Oh, I really love the song that just came on.

Pardon me, but I must go.

I leave you now, to lay on my back, stare at the ceiling fan, and lose myself in a whimsical melody.