Back From Vacation

Hello, there.

After posting daily for a whole month, it was pretty fantastic to take a breather on the blog and focus all my writing energy on my book instead.  The book is, by the way, coming along quite swimmingly.  In fact, I'm convinced I might even finish it before I die.

Maybe.

But blogging does give me a different sort of satisfaction, so I will try not to leave you again for so long.

It's late, honestly.  I keep asking myself why I'm not snuggled in bed.  I guess it's just so quiet...

Except for my son whimpering in the next room... hold on...

Ah, better.  And all is well again.

I suppose I could simply offer an update on myself and life and whatnot.

My depression has been kicking me in the butt the last couple of weeks.  Granted it was, uh, time for my "visit" and I may have forgotten to take my meds a couple days in a row (5.  5 days.  Oops.), but now that I'm back on track I hope I can regain some sense of sanity.

Wait... baby whimpering again... no... ok.

Poor kid.  I hope he isn't having a nightmare.
That's my thing, usually.

If you know me, and have seen me lately yawning like an abyss or looking so dead-eyed I actually could be dead... It's because of the nightmares.  And the depressive moments, and the not-getting-enough-sleep.   Mostly that last one.

It'll pass.  The holiday season is upon us, and I happen to be a notorious Christmas freak.

I mean it, I started listening to Christmas music... long before most of you would deem acceptable.  I kind of take pride in it.  Just a little.

If I ever do have a house someday, I swear to you, I will be that crazy neighbor with a musically timed Christmas light show in her front yard.  I will be the lady who cranks out 1,000 boxes of sugar cookies in a day, and hand them out like the delicious commodities they are.  I absolutely will be the lady who will stage an elaborate visit from Santa for my kids long after they are old enough to know "the truth."

Also, not to brag, but I am pretty much done with my Christmas shopping.  I even got Josh his anniversary gift already, which is a week before Christmas.  So... I rock, basically.

Well, I think my brain is finally deciding to relax for the evening, so I am going to head to bed before I lose this precious moment of clarity.

Good night.

Blogtober Day 31: Ba-BAM

I did it!  I wrote a blog post every day for a whole month!

Now what?

Now I spend more time on my book.

This whole thing has been helpful though.  It has forced me to write SOMETHING every day.  Even if it is not very good.  The point is, I have to keep it up to get to the good.

Also, IT IS HALLOWEEN.  WHICH I LOVE.

I have been pumped for Halloween for weeks now.  My little family has a pretty good costume plan, and we get to carve pumpkins and eat junk food and YAY!

I won't say what our costumes are, but I will post pictures soon.  It's gonna be fantastic.

I hope you have a fun Halloween!  Stay away from the crazy alcoholness, and be smart, and don't talk to strangers, and hold hands when you cross the street.

Also, I will accept all chocolate donations.

Blogtober Day 30: Happy List

Today, it is difficult to see past my anxiety.  Not sure why, exactly, but I am determined to turn things around.  Despite being desperately tired yesterday, I still managed to be optimistic, so I have resorted to a favorite standby: my fix-it playlist.  It is a playlist of songs that are capable of dispelling the grumpiest of moods.  It hasn't failed me yet.  If you are also having a bad day, maybe try a few of these bad boys:

1. Footloose by Kenny Loggins
2. Untouched by The Veronicas
3. We Didn't Start The Fire by Billy Joel
4. Party Starter by Will Smith
5. Mood Rings by Relient K
6. Hungry Like The Wolf by Duran Duran
7. Shake It by Metro Station
8. Down by Jay Sean Featuring Lil Wayne
9. Are You Gonna Be My Girl by Jet
10. Midnight Romeo by Push Play
11. One Week by Barenaked Ladies
12. Paris (Ooh La La) by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
13. Miracle by Cascada
14. Stop Loving You by Toto
15. Danza Kuduro by Don Omar Featuring Lucenzo
16. Hey Ya by Outkast
17. Want U Back by Cher Lloyd
18. September by Earth, Wind, and Fire
19. Mmmbop by Hanson
20. Geek in Pink by Jason Mraz

There, something to start you off. 

Maybe next time I have a rough day, I'll have a Playlist Part II post.  Because honestly, this is barely scratching the surface. :)

Blogtober Day 29: Exhaustion

I'm completely exhausted today, and that's all I can think about.

I have been having night after night of insanely vivid dreams and nightmares, each waking me and soothing me in turn.  It's a reckless cycle, and I have reached the point where I would do anything to break it.

I don't feel overly stressed, or anxious, or even depressed as compared to normal.  In fact, I've been relatively content lately.  But nights are... a different story.

It's a good thing Halloween is coming up, because I know I look like a complete zombie shuffling around.  My hope for today is that work tires me out so badly tonight, I can come home and crash without a second thought.

I need sleep.  I want it.  Crave it, even.  Yet it evades me.

Have you ever reached that point, where you are so tired, everything feels like it isn't real?  Like you are moving in slow motion, and every reaction is delayed while you decide if it's real or not?

I keep catching myself staring into the wall.  Maybe if I stare long enough a hole will appear.  It will get bigger and bigger until it swallows me up.  Then, in the black nothingness of the hole I will sleep as long as I want.

Ugh, everything feels so heavy.

My eyelids feel heavy.

I'm shriveling.

Blogtober Day 28: Imagination

Growing up, I was taught various virtues of the sort I'm sure every child is introduced to.

Kindness, Patience, Cleanliness, Honesty, etc.

I've always thought we were missing one that is all too important to children and adults alike.

Imagination

It is easy enough to maintain when you are young.  I remember spending countless hours building forts that were really palaces, and traversing jungles that sprouted up in my backyard.  I had my own little dreamworld that I visited constantly.  That dreamworld was as real to me as anything else.

Now that I'm older, I forget how long it has been since I visited.  A fact that saddens me.

I understand that, as we get older, reality offers more pressing needs than those dreamworlds.  But do we have to forsake them all together? 

One night, months ago, when my depression was hitting me hard, my husband wrapped me up in a blanket, held me tight, and asked what he could do.  The first thing I blurted out desperately was, "tell me something happy."

Then we escaped together, he and I.  Just for a few minutes.  Suddenly we had a big, beautiful house.  I wish you could have seen it.  It was everything we dreamed of.  Lots of windows, too.  Green yard, lots of flowers.  We had a few children running around, each a better reflection of us, with smiles and laughs that spread easily.  There was a room tucked away with all kinds of pretty things to look at, and a typewriter.  I could stow away there are write all day if I wanted to.  We had food to eat, and pretty clothes, and our children attended Hogwarts.

Maybe it sounds silly, but as Josh painted that picture for me, everything made sense again.  It isn't that I forgot what made me sad in the first place.  It is that I remembered how to make myself happy.

Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.
-Henry David Thoreau

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
-Mark Twain

An idea is salvation by imagination.
-Frank Lloyd Wright

Of course it is happening inside your head... but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
-J.K. Rowling

Blogtober Day 27: I'm A Grown-Up

My oldest friend is doing Blogtober with me, and today she wrote about becoming a grown up.

And all I can think of is, when did we get old?

Not that we are OLD old.  But when did we start getting degrees and making babies and stuff?  Just yesterday we were trading food in our lunches and pledging to form the greatest girl band ever seen.

Now I pay bills.  Those things I used to hear my father grumble about.  Now I drive my car places all by myself.  Now I make my own meals and attempt to do my own laundry.

I feel like I missed a step.

I mean, I know what step I missed.  I never really got the college experience.  Never had a dorm, or roommates.  I never had to sign up for classes or buy textbooks at extreme prices.  Honestly, it makes me sad that I didn't get to do all that.  Instead, I fell madly in love and got married.

Psh, inconvenient, right?

(Josh, I am still madly in love with you.  Always.)

I will go to college (sooner than later), and it will be wonderful. 

I'll probably pop out a few more babies, hopefully write many books, and continue being a grown-up.

What other choice do I have?

Just because I'm an adult does not mean I will stop spending hours coloring when I'm stressed, or making faces in the mirror when I'm tired.

Because age is just a number, folks.

Blogtober Day 26: My Favorite Villains

Being a writer, you inevitably read a LOT.  I've read hundreds of books, and I have found I posses a ridiculous love for villains.  Not that I cheer them on exactly.  Of course I want good to win out in the end.  There is just something about a character that is just so delightfully vile you catch yourself wishing the struggle could go on for the mere sake of seeing more.

As write about my own villains, I am, of course, inspired by a few of my favorites.  Here they are (in no specific order).

1. Captain James Hook
The swashbuckling rogue of the Jolly Roger is positively wicked.  He is so heartless, he will not hesitate to pursue revenge against children, even if it means killing them.  However, he does have a code of living, which is more than can be said of most villains.  Hook is always mindful of keeping "good form" and staying true to a standard of honor.  In that aspect, he actually isn't totally unheroic.  In fact, I've often thought that if his life had played out differently, James Hook would have made an excellent hero.  But I suspect I wouldn't love him as much if that were true.  He is better suited to dashing wit and his black little heart. (To you naysayers who argue that Long John Silver is a better villain, stop.  Stop your crazy right now.)

2. Capricorn
From the Inkheart series, he is the epitome of cruelty.  There is not a forgiving, compassionate bone in his body, and I love that.  He makes an impression, but I doubt he cares.  When you first hear him described, it gives you the perfect insight into who he is.
"How can I explain what he's like?  If you were to see a cat eating a young bird, I expect you'd cry, wouldn't you?  Or try to help the bird.  Capricorn would feed the bird to the cat on purpose, just to watch it being torn apart, and the little creature's screeching and struggling would be as sweet as honey to him."
Power obsessed and indifferent to his obstacles, he is a man who gets what he wants, always.  Pitiless and perfect.
(Please, please never watch the movie.  It's a joke.)

3. Mrs. Coulter
From the Dark Materials series, she is no Mary Poppins.  She is determined and manipulative, and a little desperate at times.  I think what I love most about her is her insatiable curiosity.  Coulter will go to extraordinary lengths to satisfy that curiosity, and that is something I relate to.  She is complicated, as all villains are.  Particularly with her relationship to Lyra.  She is one of the better examples that evil is not born, but made.

4. Lord Voldemort
Obviously.  How many villains do you know that have people afraid to utter their name?  What I find most captivating is his utter lack of understanding of love.  It is his downfall in the end, and that suits me perfectly.  Most villains, despite their actions and pursuits, have some capacity for love.  Not Tom Riddle.  He is devoid of any attachment, except for his beloved Horcruxes.  It tickles me that he would exterminate all of his death eaters, if it weren't for their usefulness in achieving his goals.  It is so wonderful when you have a villain that is literally the polar opposite of your hero.

5. Madame and Monsieur Thenardier
Who doesn't love a character that stoops to the lowest of low.  Really, they both are complete vermin, and they know it, and they couldn't care less.  That isn't how they see themselves.  They are cunning, manipulative, indifferent tot he suffering their actions will cause.  They do have a certain love for each other, which is solidified by their lust for power and wealth.  The Thenardier duo will sell to the highest bidder, and then take them for a ride.  Love it.

Who are some of your favorite villains?  Leave a comment!  I love discovering new ones... :)

Blogtober Day 25: Right Now.

I wish light bulbs didn't exist.

I wish there were no cars, or phones or iPads or MTV.

I wish the world was a little less busy, and I wish it would be quieter.

I wish people had to work hard, and they could reap the benefits of what they earned, and feel satisfaction in their talents and labors.

I wish it wasn't considered crazy to follow your dreams or your heart or your stomach.

I wish I could cry because I want to, or because I'm tired, or because I am tired of feeling so much all the time.  I just wish I could cry without being questioned.

I wish we could all laugh and be happy for each other.

I wish there could be no more hidden agendas and gossip and spite.

I wish life were fair.

I wish I were somewhere green and rainy, with hot chocolate and a fireplace, and maybe later there could be puddle stomping.

I love puddle stomping.

I wish I could be inspired by someone without someone else telling me why that isn't quite right.

I wish my son was old enough to realize how much I love him

Also, I wish my son would never grow up.

I wish Josh didn't have to go to school and work so hard and feel like he has to be so perfect.

I just wish he would realize he already is.

I wish money could be gone forever, and I could help my family have everything they ever wanted.

I wish my eyesight wasn't getting worse.

I wish I wasn't so needy and emotional and neurotic and crazy sometimes.

I wish I could stop wishing.

Blogtober Day 24: I'm Not Offended

"No offense."

"I don't want to offend you."

"I hope this isn't offensive."

of.fend (uh-fend) v.
to cause resentful displeasure.

If I hear that word one more time, I will be offended.

Due to my current career choice, and due to the fact that I converse with other human beings frequently, I am painfully aware of how afraid we are of each other.  Honestly, I understand.  I'm guilty as well.  But when did it get so bad?

We are so afraid of how we are perceived by others, it becomes difficult to be yourself anymore.

There is a balance we should strive for.  Mind your manners, and be respectful, sure.  But don't be afraid to speak your mind.  Don't be afraid to voice an opinion or stand up for someone.  I am so tired of holding back simply because I am afraid of offending someone.  Because I am afraid of displeasing someone.

I am well aware that common sense has long gone out the window in the world we inhabit.  But can't we all just try?

This starts with each of us individually.  If we could stop being so judgemental and start being more open to each other's situations, we'd be happier.  I'm positive.

People are often afraid to ask me about my religious beliefs, unsure if I will be annoyed or upset.  You shouldn't be!  What reason do I have to be angry?  You are curious.  Maybe you've heard some rumours.  Maybe you've even got a belief of your own you are aching to debate in comparison to mine.  Whatever.  Most of the time, I charge forward with the belief that you are NOT trying to offend me.

I feel that should always be the assumption until proven otherwise.

Every day, we are angry and offended by complete strangers... without a dang reason.

Really, think about it!

How many times have you honked at the guy who pulled ahead of you at the drive-thru?
How many times have you looked at someone who is overweight and shaken your head?
How many times have you seen a cashier struggling on her first shift and rolled your eyes because you had to wait another 2 minutes.

Take a chill pill.

Stop being miffed and offended by the slightest inconveniences.

Gosh, I'm just over it.

This wasn't supposed to be a rant.

I just want us all to get along, dangit.

If you want to talk to me about anything, really, anything at all.  Please feel free.
I'm officially not offended.

Blogtober Day 23: Personalities

So, I've discovered since having a child that there are two versions of me that I alternate daily.

Mommy Jessica and Normal Jessica.

It's like they are duking it out to see which is more dominant.  I am not sure what the score is, but it has to be pretty even.  I feel like I must confuse people because depending on when they interact with me, I could be a completely different person.  Jekyll and Hyde.  Really, though.

Obviously, most of the time when I'm at home, I am Mommy Jessica.  She is a responsible one, I tell you.  She cleans a LOT, and makes sure everyone eats on time.  Please, turn the music down, because she just put the baby to bed. 

Mommy Jessica has a different dialect.  Her voice is usually on the softer side, unless protecting her young.  Repetitive syllables are a stable to her language.  For example: "Are you ready for da num nums in your tum tums?" would be a common phrase she uses.

It used to be that Mommy Jessica was only present around her child.  But now she pops up any time anyone in her vicinity is exhibiting childish or childlike behavior.

It turns out adults aren't a fan of Mommy Jessica all the time.

Then Normal Jessica, well, she's different.

Less reserved, less cautious, and less prone to wipe your face with her sleeve.

Sometimes, I forget she exists, and I am pleasantly surprised when I remember her.  Because as nice as Mommy Jessica is, I don't want to be stuck in her shoes forever.

Blogtober Day 22: Speak The Words

Oh, today.

I am tired of trying to think of "topics".

So for the rest of Blogtober, I just write things.  Of my life.  Those things.

I was counting on sleeping until 8 at least.  My son has been really good at sleeping in lately, and I've been loving it.  But when my dearest darlingest hubby woke up this morning, he was a tad bit loud.

Who has to blow their nose that many times in 3 minutes?

It was ok though, because my little man was pretty cheerful and giggly after some breakfast, which made me cheerful and giggly too.

One thing I miss about being a kid, was when you had to get up early, you just accepted it.  As adults, we fight it so hard.  I can't help it though.  If I could buy sleep, that is most likely where all my money would go.  Luckily, it's free.  Sort of.

We went to the mall last night and walked around.  It is so hard to take Landon to stores with us, because everything he likes, I am dying to buy it for him.  I swear, sometimes the sole reason I wish I had more money, is to spoil the crap out of my child. 

I used my quarters to buy Landon a ride on a little train machine.  You know the ones that go back and forth, that you often see outside of grocery stores?  He seemed pretty bewildered at first, and then was hypnotized by the flashing buttons until it stopped.

Oh, oh, and.

We went in the pet store to look at puppies, and there were two rather excited ones in a kennel.  Josh would lower Landon so the puppies could lick his hands, and he LOVED it.  I mean, shrieks of delight, smiles galore.  Oh, for the day I can get my kid a puppy.  I will win happiest parent of the year.

Josh makes me laugh.  Every day all the time.  Even when I don't want to, he knows how to weasel a grin out of me.  I'm lucky.

After Landon went to bed last night, we cuddled with hot chocolate and watched The Nightmare Before Christmas.  Cozy. :)

Now I want to go light my new candle, because it smells like cinnamon, and makes my house smell like Autumn.

Blogtober Day 21: Survey

I don't even remember the last time I did one of these things...

Name: Jessica
Current Location: Gilbert, Arizona
When is your birthday: March 13th
Eye Color: Green
Hair Color: Natural?  Dirty blonde.  But right now it is dark brown.
Height: About 5"3
Piercings or tattoos: Just each ear.
Single or taken: Married
Right Handed or Left Handed: Righty
Any pets: Not yet.
Your greatest strength: Probably my loyalty.
Your Weakness: Being a pushover at times.
FAVORITES
Favorite color: Orange
Favorite flower: Calla lily
5 favorite movies and one you wouldn't want anyone to find out about: Ok, top 5 are Phantom of the Opera, Count of Monte Cristo, Gladiator, Princess Bride and Sherlock Holmes.  My guilty pleasure one would probably be... High School Musical.  DON'T TELL.
Favorite holiday: New Year's Eve
Favorite physical feature on yourself: My eyes.
Your favorite pizza toppings: Green pepper, olives, pepperoni, pineapple.
Favorite guilty pleasure: When no one is home, I put on karaoke music and sing my heart out.  That's pretty bad.
Favorite place to eat a romantic dinner: Anywhere is romantic with my hubby. :)
Favorite season: Autumn
Favorite cartoon character: Rapunzel.
Your favorite food: Classic steak and baked potato dinner.
Favorite Ice cream flavor: Something with lots of brownie chunks in it.
Favorite subject(s) in school: AP American History
Favorite candy: Nerds
Favorite breakfast cereal: Reeses.  Which I know is totally weird because I hate the candy.  The cereal is awesome though.
Favorite person in your life: Hubby and son of course!
Favorite book of all time: Harry Freakin' Potter.
Favorite song: How can anyone have a favorite, honestly? 
Favorite place to be: Bookstores make me so happy.
Favorite TV show (Still running or ended): Hmm, currently pretty obsessed with Vampire Diaries.  But I adore The Office.
Your Favorite number: 17
Favorite fast food restaurant: Café Rio
What is your favorite part of your life right now: Watching my son grow.
WHICH DO YOU PREFER
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Alcoholic or non: Non.
Scary movies or comedies: Comedies
Short or long hair: Long
Croutons or bacon bits: Croutons
Beach or lake: Lake
Single or Group Dates: I like both.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
Starbucks or elsewhere: Starbucks.
Dogs or cats: Dogs
DO YOU's
Do you smoke: No
Do you sing: All the time.
Do you want to get married: Check.
Do you believe in yourself: Eh, depends.
Do you get along with your parents: Yes.
Do you want children: I would love more!
Do you drink: No
Do you like to travel by plane: Fo sho!
Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday morning: Not so much.
Do you have a teddy bear: Packed away somewhere.
Do you like thunderstorms: Yes
Do you play an instrument: Yes, a few.
Do you consider yourself a party person or more apt to stay at home: I can be both.

HAVE YOU EVER
Have you ever fired a gun: Yes
Have you ever loved someone: Yes
Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to: Of course
Have you ever cried for no reason: I'm a girl.
Have you ever cut your own hair: My bangs
Have you ever skipped school: Oh yes.
Have you ever bungee jumped: Nope
Have you ever punched someone: Yes

SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE MATURE
List your top fears: Disappointing others, Scorpions, Failure
What bill do you hate paying the most: Rent.
What did you want to be when you were growing up: A writer.
What errand/chore do you despise: Dishes and floors.
A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing: There are a lot of things I don't mind people knowing, but one is that I could not figure out how to snap my fingers until I was like, 14.
What do you get every time you go into a Wal-Mart: Formula usually.
What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best: I've heard some weird ones.  I used to get Jennifer Aniston a lot when I was younger.
What famous person dead or alive would you like to have dinner with: J.K Rowling.
How do you want to die: In my sleep would be fine.
What do you want to achieve in life: Lots!  But primarily happiness for my family.
Your most missed memory: Moments of my Exchange.
What goal would you like to achieve this year: I'm running out of time, but I would like to have the first chapter of my book completely past the revising phase.
Who would you like to see right now: My hubby, who is at school, but also it would be nice to see my brother, Jon.
What books are you reading: I feel like I'm always reading like, 10.  But a couple are: Inkheart (again), and How Can You Possibly Be a Mormon and a Democrat?
What are your regrets: I would relive my teenage years much differently.
What song best describes you: No idea.

SOME RANDOM QUESTIONS
Do you cheer for the bad guy: Sometimes, but only when I suspect there is a bigger story.
What do you want when you are sick: To watch old movies, Sprite, and to munch on chips and salsa.
Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth: Thanks to Euro Tour, on top of a skyscraper.
What country would you most like to visit: I'm DYING to go to Thailand.
How many pillows do you sleep with: 2

Blogtober Day 20: I Wish

There are days that I wish I could put in a box and never have to look at again.  I have caught myself all too many times uttering the phrase, "I wish."  I wish these dishes would do themselves.  I wish Josh would be home from work already.  I wish Landon could understand when I ask him to stay out of the cabinets.  I wish I was a better cook.  I wish I was so socially awkward sometimes.  I wish...

What is a wish, really though?  At first I think maybe it is just hope.  But that doesn't seem right.  Hope is putting faith in something that is possible.  Difficult perhaps, yes.  But possible.  Dishes do not simply jump up and scrub themselves.  So I may as well leave hope out of the mix. 

Wish is more synonymous with want.

If I replace the word wish with the word want in the previous phrases... I realize how petty I sound.

Anyone else feel guilty of this sometimes?

I am so focused on what I don't have, I forget what I do.  It isn't just about possessions or responsibilities.  I also find myself wondering what if?

What if I made a little more money?  What if I lived somewhere else?  What if my son had come later?

This is just as pointless as I wish because what if is equally hypothetical.

There is a quote from Lord of the Rings that sums up my feelings on those stuff-them-in-a-box days.

Frodo says, "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened."

And Gandalf replies, "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought."

I believe there is a lot of truth in that.  Perhaps the road I find myself on was meant for me alone.  No one else could travel it.  Instead of lamenting my fate, I should be more encouraged that I was chosen for these tasks.  It could be worse, and it could be easier.  That is not the issue.  The issue comes from within.

Blogtober Day 19: I Think I've Discovered The Problem

Writing has been difficult lately.  I think my blog has been reflecting that pretty well.  I've had the hardest time pinpointing what it is exactly that is blocking my brain.  I think I know what the problem is.

I stopped writing for myself. 

When I set up a blog, I went into it with the mentality that is was a way to help my writing grow.  I wanted to have a space to output my writing to a few people and keep in practice.  But now this whole blogging thing is getting into my head.  I read all these other blogs about motherhood and news and ethics... I keep feeling like these people have such great things to say.  I wish I had something to contribute too.  I want to sound important.

But I write fiction.

And you know what?  I've decided that is important too.

I'll still write about my life, and ideas and opinions and whatnot.  I just think I need to stop caring about who I'm writing for and do what is important to me.

Blogtober Day 18: Nostalgic

I have been skipping down memory lane today, and I came across a few old photos that made me smile.  I thought instead of writing, I would post these pictures instead.

The first time I took Josh Blues Dancing

Getting ready to perform in the Dance festival 2010



EFY 2007 - Winning the dance contest!

Girl's Camp 2010 - Adult counselor

Gelato in Gyor

All my YW in Gyor, Hungary

Working at DQ, 2008

Winning Limbo at Exchange Student Orientation

Halloween with Barbs, 2009

Train Station with RYE Students

Trek in Wyoming, 2009



Denver Aquarium, Denver 2006 (I think)

The beloved Hippie van.  RIP.

Blogtober Day 17: On Taking Oneself Too Seriously

I am feeling much better today!  Incredible what a good night's sleep will do to morale.

Here comes a ramble.  I actually do have a lot to do today, so I'm not going to take time editing and revising this very much.  So basically it is going to be all over the place.  But that's ok.

Putting pressure on yourself.  What does that honestly accomplish?  Aside from driving yourself off the deep end, that is.  I don't know exactly where and when society drove us to believe we all had to be these perfect versions of ourselves, but I think that needs to stop.  Or maybe we just need to stop putting so much stock in what is expected of us.  Maybe it is better if we just learn to be honest with ourselves as far as what our "best" is, and then be that.  I mean, when someone says they will do the best they can, what does that mean in that moment?  That they will do the best job according to someone else's ideals?  Or that they will do their best?

Maybe we are so far from content because we have gotten lazy with ourselves.  So many of us (myself included now and then) go day to day performing the tasks asked of us in a routine manner.  How many of us go to work and simply work through the pile of paperwork to meet a deadline?  If you are going to do that paperwork anyway, why not put some effort into it?

I feel like we sell ourselves short.  And in the process, create these illusions of what perfection, or a good job really is.  I think we would all be much happier if we were less lazy.

I really want to speak to the idea of loving ourselves more.  And a big way to push that along is to get rid of unrealistic ideals.  Not just unrealistic like, unattainable.  More like, unrealistic... unaspirational?  Does that even make sense?

What I mean is, I usually start the day thinking ok, I need to get this and this and this done.  If I don't, I feel like I have failed in my day.  That I am a failure.  What I forget in that moment, is that the other two things I DID do, I did really well!

By praising our successes and acknowledging what our capabilities truly are, I think we are allowing ourselves to live more fully and happily.

There is an article I read recently that gives some great advice on putting the right pressures on ourselves.

The End.

Blogtober Day 16: I Don't Want To

I have absolutely no desire to write today.

This whole Blogtober thing?  I'm over it.

Don't get me wrong, I will finish what I started.  I'm no quitter.  I just feel like I don't have much to offer.  Or what I do have to offer is never going to cut it.

Yuck, pity parties are not attractive.  I'm sorry.

I guess I feel like my Blogging is unorganized.  Most people at least have some kind of a trend in their work.  I am so all over the place.  That's how I am though.  All over the place.  It isn't the worst thing, honestly.  I just need to commit and get more organized.

#impossiblegoals

Blogtober Day 15: Worst Date

I have lots of awkward stories.  I can be a very awkward person, so it only makes sense.  It's not like I plan it out.  I'm a people pleaser.  I am in constant fear of being the party pooper in any situation, so I try to go with the flow to an extent. 

This is a story of one of those times I really wish I hadn't.
Everyone has one of these stories.

It was, ehem, the worst date ever!

His name was... well, let's call him Macho, because his real name was actually sorta girly.

I'd known him for a few years.  I had moved away not long after we met, but we kept in touch with Facebook and whatnot.  One day, Macho told me he'd be in my neck of the woods, and he'd like to take me out.  I didn't see why not...

Now I know.

To start the night off, he was 45 minutes late.  A little rough, but I tried to be understanding about it.  Macho showed me his... uhm... car?  Some sort of 2 seated contraption about the size of a go-cart.  He was really proud of it though, so I nodded my head like it was impressive.  I guess it was.  I was genuinely impressed he could fit in the driver's seat, anyway.

So we got in the car, and started driving around.  Macho hadn't asked me where I wanted to go prior, so I assumed he had a plan in mind.  I was game.  But maybe planning wasn't his strong suit, because we just drove around town for probably a good hour.  I have no idea what we talked about, but he had a lot to say about himself, that's for sure.  I sat and listened, wondering if I could be interesting too.

We finally passed a movie theatre, and Macho saw that Tron was playing.  I had never heard of Tron.  By his reaction, it was a pretty big deal.  I told him we should go see it (anything was better than driving).  We checked the showing list, and he mentioned his friend had really wanted to see Tron, too. 

So naturally, as any guy does on a date, Macho called his friend.

It makes sense they were friends.  His friend took an hour and a half to meet us at the theatre, because his sister was dropping him off.  Birds of a feather...

Let's call his friend Sidekick

By this time, we went to a late showing around 10:30 or 11.  I paid for my own ticket

Funnily enough, Sidekick (the guy who really wanted to see Tron) had never heard of it either, and so we were a little confused as the movie progressed.  Macho kept whispering for us get over it every time we tried to deduce the backstory.  It was a good movie.  It would have been better if I'd understood...

When the movie was over, I sort of assumed he would take me home.

But let's remember that Sidekick didn't have a car.

Yeah, 3 of us squished into Macho's go-kart.

The boys declared themselves starving, and drove to the nearest IHOP.  Never mind it was past midnight.  I sat through an hour and a half of Macho and Sidekick swapping stories about their "obnoxious Exes" and how silly girls could be.

Silly me.

I paid for my food.

Now that we were done eating, I figured he had to be taking me home (I was getting desperate), and I subtly hinted at how late it was.  We all piled into the car, and Macho declared we would take the scenic route.

The scenic route involved Macho showing off all the things a minuscule car could do.

Like drive on sidewalks through the park.
Or do really tight turns in parking lots.
And make my claustrophobia reach new heights.

When I finally insisted Macho should take me home, he obliged, saying he was "getting sick of me for tonight."

His. Exact. Words.

At 3 in the morning, we pulled up to my house, and Sidekick got out so I could escape the car-tomb.  Macho said he was going to get sushi for lunch the next day.  I was invited.

I think my response was... "no way in ... heck."

Blogtober Day 14: I Just Wanted To Write A Poem

I wanted to write a poem today, but it was more difficult than I expected.  Not the poetry, but the subject matter.  So perhaps I will let the words run themselves.

I wish mental illness was better understood. 

I grew up in a small town, and most people there had the perspective that mental illness = crazy.  If you had depression, you must be suicidal.  If you had insomnia, you must never sleep.  Schizophrenia?  You should probably be put away forever.

Really, though.

Mental illnesses are not the result of personal weakness, lack of character, or poor upbringing.  They are 100% treatable, and fluctuate from minor to major symptoms.

I hoped that in this big wide world, there would be a greater understanding when I left that small town.  Unfortunately there is still a disappointing lack of comprehension.  I get it.  Everyone has their own demons.  Maybe we get so preoccupied with our own, we forget that ours is not a singular battle.  It's merely one confrontation among a war.

A lot of people don't realize they are fighting that battle until it reaches it painful point. 

For example, Depression.  It is not a weakness, but an actual illness.  It has ramifications biologically, socially, and psychologically.  A person can not simply will it away.  Untreated, it will inevitably worsen, and under treated, it will return.

Or another (more common than you think) illness: Schizophrenia.  More than 2 million people alone suffer from this disease in the United States alone.  There are many different types, with multiple levels of severity.  A good number of Schizophrenics disinterested and withdrawn, maybe with disorganized speech or habits.

I feel like if there was a larger emphasis placed on the understanding of mental illnesses, the world would be much better.  On average, 1 in 4 people suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder.  1 in 4!  Basically 25% of the planet.  How much farther could we progress, if those who struggle feel more understood and supported?

I have dealt with intense anxiety for years, and only recently did I attempt to investigate my actual status.  Only when things came to a point when my self-worth was at an all-time low.  As soon as the word depression was applied to me, I did a lot of research on the matter.  So much of what I read made so much sense.  I felt a little more at peace, and I had a much better point of view as far as what I am up against.

For my LDS buddies, Elder Holland spoke about this in Conference last weekend, and I feel it was for a very good reason. 

I have good days and bad days.  These are my battles to face.  Sometimes I have help, and others I must do it alone.  Those are more scary.  But I can do it.

If you are also struggling, please know that you can do it.  I have so much faith in you.  Remember to have faith in yourself.  The pain you feel now is nothing compared to the good you are fighting for.  For every dark moment, there is a blissful relief coming.  Don't give up.  Promise me.  Ok?

This week, I challenge all of you to take just a little time and do a little reading.  You might think you aren't involved in any of this, but I guarantee someone you love is.

Here are some websites I have found informative and helpful.
NAMI
Depression in a Marriage
This blog is PHENOMENAL for mothers & women:
Honest Mom
How YOU can help:
Help A Loved One

Just keep swimming. :)

Blogtober Day 13: Adult Babies, Not Cute.

My son is currently 9 months old, and basically everything he does is adorable.  I do mean everything.  The kid could set the house on fire, and we'd still be sitting there like, "awww."

My husband has noticed the attention I give to our son, and has made a few attempts to get my attention in similar ways.  We've come to the conclusion that most of the things babies do... are NOT cute if you are an adult.

So here, all the things babies can get away with, and we can not.

-Stick their fist in their mouth.
-Tear off their diaper and make a run for it.
-Unintelligible noises/babbling
-Giggling over poop
-Bang their fists against the wall when it is nap time.
-Pulling out hair, earrings, and eyelashes of anyone who is holding them.
-Spilling food all over themselves.
-Try to ride the dog.
-Scream until you receive food
-Blow bubbles with spit and boogers
-Create a flood during bath time
-Test any item you hold by putting it in your mouth first.
-Paper?  Rip it all.  To shreds.
-Ruin every new outfit they are dressed in.
-Find a way into every shelf, cabinet, and bag that is forbidden, and then emptying the contents

Just a start.
But really.

Blogtober Day 12: Best Chick Flicks

I went to a wedding reception, and it's got me feeling extra extra sappy.  It is also late, with an early start tomorrow morning, so I decided to just put together a list of my favorite "chick flicks" of all time.

1. Titanic.  Not that this choice needs any explanation, but honestly.  This is practically mandatory.  Forbidden love ALWAYS makes for great cinema.  And young Leo... he makes me smile.
2. Moulin Rouge.  I love a good musical.  Who knew that Obi Wan could sing?  Nicole Kidman is kind of an obsession of mine as well.  Just have a box of tissues ready for the ending.
3. Phantom of the Opera.  One of my all time favorites.  I warned you already I love musicals.  Pair it with a fantastic composer (praise always to Andrew Lloyd Webber) and you have magic.
4. Anne (of Green Gables, Avonlea, and the Continuing Story). These are a little more old school, but if you don't mind that, these are AMAZING.  If you have read the books, I promise you will like them even more.  Continuing Story is not very true to the books, but is still my favorite.  Who doesn't want a love like Anne and Gil?
5. The Princess Bride.  Inconceivable!  Again, waaay more enjoyable if you have read the book.  Even if you haven't though, it will always be a classic.
6. Dirty Dancing.  Nobody puts baby in a corner.  Not even in your DVD collection. 
7. Gone With The Wind.  A little long, admittedly.  But I gotta love Scarlett's stubborn persistence.
8. Ever After: A Cinderella Story.  This was the movie I would watch as a little girl, and dream of my own prince sweeping me off my feet.  Or catching me swimming in a lake.  Whatever.
9. Crazy, Stupid, Love.  At least like, 5 or 6 of my favorite actors/actresses in a mishmash of hilarity and emotional buildup.  Can't go wrong.
10. Pride and Prejudice.  Stop kidding yourself.  You wish you were Mrs. Darcy.
11. Mamma Mia.  I love Abba.
12. P.S. I Love You.  I also Love Gerard Butler.

Those are the favorites.  Go get yourself some popcorn and bribe your hubby to watch them with you.  Extra points if he doesn't sleep through anything.

Blogtober Day 11: The Importance of Kindness

When I was in high school, I had a crush on this boy.  Let's call him "H".  We had grown up together, gone to all the same schools, and even the same church.  Of course, it was crazy of me to think I could just ask him if he liked me too.  I hoped though.  We were both outgoing, knew the same people, did a lot of the same things.  One day, a mutual friend who knew us both well got a confession out of me.  Let's call this friend "K". 

K volunteered to investigate for me, via the almighty text.  I sat and read each text as the conversation progressed.  It went like this:

K: Hey, I know this girl who kinda has a thing for you.
H: Oh yeah?  Who is that?
K: Jessica.
H: Which one?
(There are always a million Jessica's)
K: Pulsipher.
H: Oh yuck, shoot me now!

And thus, I was utterly, completely, shot down.

It's not as if he said it to my face.  He had no way of knowing I was reading those words.  But because I did, I have never been able to look at him the same way again.  At the time, I was 16, with body issues, self esteem issues, and every insecurity teenage girls put themselves through.  His comment was fuel to the fire, and it hurt me in a way that felt intensely personal.

How often do we commit the same crime?  Someone is always watching, whether we realize it or not.  Now, I am not innocent.  Gossiping comes too easily, and judgment pops into my head before I have time to correct myself.  But it's never too late.

Growing up, my mother was the most kind, compassionate person I've ever known (and she still is).  There was a phrase I used to hear her repeat over and over any time I felt wronged or hurt.  "Kill 'em with kindness."

I think about her words all the time.  As a kid, I always thought that when I was an adult, people would stop being mean.  We'd be past that, wouldn't we?  Sadly, I have come to realize the very opposite path is taken.  When that happens, it is so satisfying to picture their retribution, and focus on the ugly.

What if I did start to "kill 'em with kindness?"  Maybe it wouldn't put an end to their behavior.  Probably not.  But I bet they'd remember.

We live in a world that is so heavy with discrimination and prejudice.  If I know one thing, it is that we can not control others, only ourselves.  It makes no sense to wait for a change we aren't making within ourselves.  Stop caring so much about other people's lives and start revising your own.

Take on a different perspective.  Be optimistic about yourself and others.  Instead of thinking how lazy and irresponsible that overweight receptionist is, take the time to appreciate how well she does her job.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but what are we allowing our eyes to see?

In the words of Ellen DeGeneres: "Be kind to one another."

Blogtober Day 10: Christmas Suggestions

This is for my ladies (and men, if you are smart with your Christmas shopping), who like jewelry!  I happen to have a connection with someone in the jewelry industry who is selling some pretty flippin' gorgeous stuff!

These are just a few of my favorites.  I have been looking at the catalogue for weeks and seriously girling out!  Share this with your girlfriends or family if you think they might like it too!  Spread the wealth! :)

Blogtober Day 9: The "I Miss You" List

I've lived in Arizona now for 815 days.  I actually did the math.  While this move has brought a lot of great things into my life, there are still those times that I long for.  More importantly, people.  Today seems to be one of those days.  So, here is the "I Miss You" list.

Emily "Hansel" Hansen
I haven't seen or spoken to you in years, literally.  Gosh, that makes me so sad.  I know our friendship will always be special, because no longer how much time passes between us, I know the next time I see you, nothing will have changed.  I will always love you like a sister.  I miss you terribly.  I want you to know I think about you every other day.  I hope you are safe and thriving and dong things that make you happy.  What I wouldn't give for one more night laying on our backs on the 50 yard line, staring at the starts and discussing anything and everything.  One more cheese pizza.  One more ridiculous road trip.  Someday, I hope. :)

Tana Lee
Literally, something happens every day I wish I could tell you about.  I know phones are a thing, but it's not the same.  Every day, I want to hear what you're doing.  Your victories and woes.  I want to take you shopping so we can decide what kind of day it is.  Even though every day is a Papaya day, let's just be honest.  I want to blues dance you to the moon and back.  I want to buy all the red vines I can carry and have a Harry Potter marathon that will last for days.  I want to stay up until 4 A.M. singing Wicked and talking about life in Talula.  I love you darling.  Please move down here.  Or heck, I'll move back to Utah if I have to... tempting...

Holli Pedersen Hill
When did we both get old and married?  Could you hurry up and get pregnant already?  I sort of need our children to be best friends.  I'm glad your man treats you so well.  You deserve it.  You are so strong and positive.  I miss that.  I need a little overdose of Holli peppy time.  I need to roll under the pool table and take stupid pictures and make a Walmart run and color and dance around to The Prince of Egypt.  If we ever live near each other again, we must double date.  Every day.  All day.  Forever.

MmmmBARBS
I prayed all my life for a big sister.  Now she lives all the way across the ocean.  Not cool.  It's so weird when you spend nearly every day with someone and then they are just gone.  No one else can appreciate new and improved changes in life.  No one loves Taylor Swift as much.  I still don't understand how you sound so American, but I decided it is because we are, in fact, blood relatives.  There's a kidnapping involved.  Really quite tragic.  I'll have to fill you in next time we Skype.  I love you. 

Kimberton
You're only my oldest friend ever.  I remember when we were both traipsing about in care bear underwear and stuffing our shirts with oranges.  What can I say?  We aim high.  You inspire me to be a better person.  To be kinder, think outside of the box, and stay true to myself.  I don't think anyone has quite as much blackmail on me... I trust you.  thanks for doing Blogtober with me, too.  It helps me stay on top of things.

Presli Hulet Stratton
WHY.  WHY are you SO FAR?!  Also, you are closer to those super fries, which is really unfair, for the record.  And you know what, take a tip from my note to Holli and get knocked up while you're at it.  Well... maybe wait a couple years.  Then we can maybe be preggers together, and you know that would be good times.  I'm glad you're happy, and successful, and beautiful, and perfect, and next time I see you... we need to go camping.

Mari
Ok, I know you want to kidnap my baby.  I might be ok with that if you would just come see me.  Brazil is far, to be fair, but I think we can agree... who cares?  There are a lot of cute guys up here (like, a LOT), and you can even search on chatroulette if you need to.  I'll make the hot chocolate.  We can even go play in the snow, I promise!  I hope you are happy, and I hope you are still playing the guitar and singing, because you are super talented.  Dave Days would be proud.

Jon, Cheryl, and CO.
BEST. FAMILY. EVER.  I had such a blast living with you guys!  I think about you all the time, and I miss you so much!  J'Nell, I hope driving is less scary!  You are so stinkin' beautiful!  Jake, I CAN'T BELIEVE you are already back!  I missed you man, so much.  Still the best Umbridge impression I've ever seen.  Maddi, how is your chinchilla?  And school?  I bet you are tearin' it up!  Connor, man!  Still able to kick my booty at Mario Kart?  We'll put it to the test next time I'm up there.  Cheryl, you are basically the most inspiring woman ever.  You are such a selfless wife and mother!  Let me cook you dinner next time I'm up in Orem.  Jon, you wilderness survivor, you.  Yukon Jon is pretty cool.  I miss the occasional dose of sarcastic wit you once supplied me with.  Keep being an amazing studly hubby and father!

MY family.
I know I talk to you all pretty frequently (or I try to at least), but just know I love you all so much, and it sucks being so far away.  Josh and Landon miss you too.  We will be up to visit as soon as possible.  I can't wait to meet Peter and Lily!  I want to see how much Becca is growing!  I need to reassure Camille that there is life past high school.  I need to nuzzle Mom and spin in a circle.  I need Dad to tell me one more time how complicated my adoption was.  I NEED to meet my sister-in-law, Lorraine, and see my cuh-razy brother Paul. :)  Andrea needs to cook me something, and Jon needs to tease me forever.  Brian and Sarah need to have a night out.  I'll watch the chillens! 

Ugh, look at me.  Nostalgic much?  I need to go do something else.

Blogtober Day 8: Dreams

This Blogtober thing is more difficult than I thought.  I'm a people pleaser, and I feel this intense pressure to crank out amazing content all the time.  That is not very realistic, so maybe this is good for me to learn.

I'm a little brain dead currently (late night last night), so I apologize in advance.

I lately have been subject to the most strange, vivid dreams.  Not that I put a lot of credibility into potential meanings and whatnot, but I still thought it could be fun.

So here are the last two dreams I remember.  Then, using a "dream interpreter", we shall see what is up.

1. Josh and I were in this massive glass skyscraper.  There wasn't much else, just barren land, a few huts and stores, and then this giant skyscraper.  At least like, 500 stories.  Then, alarms started to go off.  Josh and I looked out the window, and there is this HUGE robotic, mechanical creature coming for the building.  We are racing to get out of the skyscraper before this thing collides with it, but are running out of time.  Suddenly, Josh pushes a button somewhere, and a gel-like bubble envelops us, breaks through this window, and flies us to safety.

2. I came into the possession of a strange thimble-like device.  When I placed my finger inside, it grew into a hole midair, which allowed me to travel to different realms.  I traveled to one realm to find it was in the middle of a dreadful war.  For some reason, it was my job to help, and a horse was apparently crucial to a victory.  They had no horses, so I had to go back to my own world and find one.  When I did find a horse, it refused to go through the portal.  The dream ended with me trying to bribe the horse through the portal with cotton candy.

My brain.  I have no idea.

Here are the interpretations:

1. I have high ambitions and ideals, but am guarded about my feelings.  Things are currently not quite going the way I want them to, and perhaps I am making some self-destructive choices now and then.  I don't want to take responsibility for those choices, making it difficult to confront myself and my fears. However, my escape from harm signifies inevitable prosperity, and favorable events are yet to come.

2. I need to tend to the needs of others instead of pursuing selfish pleasures.  I have a tendency to romanticize things, and a desire to escape reality at times.  In spite of those habits, I need to learn to fight for things I want.  I may not be aggressive enough in all my current endeavors.  There is still higher knowledge I need to obtain.  Apparently, I am in control of my sexuality as well.  Good to know.

Hm.  Well.  I guess that gives me a lot to think about...

I don't think I will be translating my dreams very often.

Blogtober Day 7: My Most Embarrassing Moment

We all have one.  The only reason I feel comfortable enough to share mine, is because it took place when I was quite young.  I can no longer be teased about it... right?

I still turn bright red as I remember it.  In fact, my face might stay this color all day.

It was in 5th grade.  I was kind of a smarty pants, and so I had made it into the spelling bee!  I spent weeks going over the list of words, practicing constantly.  I was set on winning.  I was kind of a competitive child.

So on the big day I dressed up.  I still remember.  I wore a long black skirt, and a blue button up shirt with my favorite black shoes.  I had this irrational fear of my voice cracking when I went up to the microphone, so I drank a ton of water.

Ah, it was my downfall.

About 20 minutes into the spelling bee, I realized I had to pee pretty bad.  In my 10-year-old mind, I deduced that if I asked to leave for the bathroom, I would be disqualified!  What if it was my turn and I wasn't there?  I'd get kicked out for sure.  Thus, I determined to hold it until the spelling bee was over.

Finally, it was down to me, and one other boy.  A fourth grader.  Psh, I had this thing in the bag!  The only downside was, my bladder was really struggling to contain all the water I drank that morning.  Fourth grader and I were going back and forth, neither one of us missing a single word.  "How long are we going to do this?" I kept thinking.  I started to pray he would mess up so I could just pee for crying out loud!

Then, I could not hold it any longer.  Yep.  I totally peed myself in front of the whole school, more or less. 

The thing was, my skirt was kind of wide, so it didn't get wet at all.  This puddle just kind of formed by my feet.  I was so mortified, I ran off the stage and into the nearest bathroom, where I hid and cried until my mother came and found me.  She then drove all the way home, got me clean underwear, drove back, and I changed.  I assumed, while waiting in the bathroom for what must have been half an hour, that I had lost the spelling bee by default.  Surely when I came out of the bathroom, everyone would be gone, and I could slip into my classroom unnoticed.

Not even.

They had WAITED.  So I walked back out to a room of people wondering why the little girl had run out suddenly.  My uhm, puddle was still there, so no one had put two and two together.

I was so torn up over my embarrassment, I misspelled the first word they gave me, and lost to the fourth grader.  The word?  Dandelion.

My mom took me to lunch, then home.  I guess she thought I had suffered enough.

Blogtober Day 6: I Believe

I often receive a lot of questions and curiosity when it comes to my beliefs.  Being as it is General Conference weekend, I thought this would be an appropriate blog post.

To those of you who have ever wondered what I'm all about, this is it.

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I am what is typically referred to as a "Mormon".

My whole life, my religion has been a subject of curiosity and opinion to those not of the same faith.  I guess I am just writing this to simply tell you all what exactly it is I believe.  No frills, no embellishment.  Just the simple gospel truth.

I believe that we all lived before we were born onto this earth, in a time called the Pre-Existence.  (Makes sense, right?)  We all lived there as a spiritual family, with a perfect Heavenly Father who loves us.  I believe that our Heavenly Father is more than just a spirit, but a real being, with a body.  He created a plan for us to also receive bodies, and gain knowledge and experience so that we could be more like him.  Perfect heavenly beings.  He wanted us to live for eternity this way, in ultimate happiness.

In order for his plan to work, he needed us to have a leader who could show us the way, and be an example to follow.  Lucifer volunteered first, saying that he would make sure that we would all make it back to our Heavenly Father's presence.  No matter what.  While that sounds well and good, Heavenly Father wanted us to have agency, or the ability to choose for ourselves.  Without agency, we would never grow and learn through our experiences.  It could not be forced upon us.  So instead Jesus, another of our brothers, offered to lead the way, and do his best to show us how to live.  Jesus was chosen, and Lucifer was obviously angry.  He was cast out of heaven, and some of our brothers and sisters went with him.  The rest of us stayed.

So basically, if you were born onto this earth, you stuck with our Heavenly Father.  Congratulations!

Adam and Eve kicked us off in the good ol' Garden of Eden, and the games begun.  We won some, and Satan won others.  Finally, Jesus got his turn on earth to show us how it's done.

Jesus lived a perfect life.  He founded his church based in the true gospel.  He had 12 apostles, and there were prophets to help as well.  Christ performed miracles beyond my understanding, and used the priesthood to work God's wonders.

When I use the word "priesthood", I am referring to the power of God.  I'll explain more later.

None of the things Jesus did though, comes close to the greatest sacrifice he made.  The night before he was taken to be crucified, Jesus went with his apostles to the Garden of Gethsemane.  They waited outside, and he went in to pray. 

Christ knelt by a tree and prayed to God, our father, to help him through what would be the greatest challenge. 

Now, Heavenly Father is a perfect being.  Do you think an imperfect being can live in his presence?  Of course not.  However, we are not even close to perfect.  We all make mistakes all the time, so there had to be a way for us to repent and be rid of our sins.  It was then decided that Jesus would be the one to suffer for all of our sins.  He would take the pain and anguish and torment for every sin of every person that would ever live, in order for us to be made clean again.

So there, in Gethsemane, Christ suffered the pain of all mankind.  The greatest pain, and most selfless sacrifice that would ever be.  He atoned for us all.  Which is why we call it the Atonement.

Because of my older brother, my Savior, I have been saved not in, but from my sins.  If I ever stray, or make a mistake in my life, I know I can pray for forgiveness, do my part to repent, and Jesus's sacrifice makes it possible for me to wash my sins away.  Forever.

And then, to top it all off, Jesus gave his LIFE. 

John sums it up perfectly: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

After Christ died, his church slowly disappeared from the earth.  Many different sects borrowed bits and pieces from the original church of Christ, but it's entirety no longer existed.

Until in the 1820's, in New York State, a boy named Joseph Smith came along.  Joseph was a sincere boy, always in search of truth.  When he was 14 years old, a group of religious sects came to his area and began preaching in behalf of their various congregations.  Joseph attended many of the churches, but did not know which to join, as he was confused as to what was true.

Then, one day he was reading in the book of James, chapter 1 verse 5, and it said, "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him."

Well, that seemed fair enough to Joseph, so he went into the woods on a spring day, and decided to pray and ask God what church was the right one to join.

As Joseph prayed, a light began to grow, until it shone everywhere, and Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father appeared to him.  They told him that he was to join none of the churches, for none of them had all of the necessary components of the true gospel.  Joseph was then told that he was chosen to help them restore the church of God back on the earth.

Joseph spent his life in the service of God, doing his work.  He was given the priesthood, and ordained apostles and leaders as well.

I'll take a moment to explain the priesthood.  I recently heard it put very beautifully.  The priesthood is the power of God, given to man to perform his work.  A man with the priesthood is not granted power, per se.  Imagine a man opening a window.  He is not creating the light, or the warmth.  He simply opened the window to allow the light in.  That is how the priesthood works in God's church.  He allows us to be the bearers of his gift, the we may allow the power of the priesthood to do good on earth.

Back to Joseph, he was also given gold plates with writing on them.  A book.  a book written by prophets that lived on the American continent in the same age as those in Jerusalem in which the bible takes place.  With help from the priesthood, and spiritual inspiration, he translated them into what we now call the Book of Mormon.  (Mormon is the name of one of the prophets in the book, now you know where our nickname comes from!)

Anyhow, I think the rest of the story is obvious.  The gospel word spread, as did the members of the church.  It grew and grew, and now, in 2013, there are thousands and thousands of members worldwide.  We follow the same structure as the church Christ founded in his days on earth.  We have apostles, and a beloved prophet, Thomas S. Monson, whom we love and revere.  He is a mouthpiece of God.

In our church we also have temples, and in these temples we make promises to God, and receive blessings for those promises.  One blessing is that of eternal families.  I believe God wants me to be with my family forever.  With my husband and children forever.  NOT "'til death do us part", but beyond.  So when I married the love of my life in the temple, we were sealed for time and all eternity together.

I got married here!

I believe as long as I live the commandments God gave me, and live in a Christlike way, I will have my loved ones forever, and I will live in celestial glory with my Father in Heaven forever.

I know in my heart it is true.

I could expound more, and perhaps in later posts I will, but if you have more questions about me, my faith, or beliefs, you can also visit this website or this website.

Blogtober Day 5: Need a Laugh?

I wish I had time to write a "real" post, but I've been out of the house all day today!  I thought I would just share some of my favorite funnies instead!  Share it if you know someone who could use a smile. :)

If you never watched this movie as a kid, your childhood is not complete.