Cogito, Ergo Sum

I think, therefore I am.
(Aren't you impressed with my fancy Latin knowledge?)

Over the last few months I have looked in depth at the power of thought.  I've read several books and experimented in applying a lot of my findings to myself.

Take a look at this gem:
"Mind is the Master--
Power that molds and makes, 
And Man is Mind, 
And ever more he takes 
The Tool of Thought, 
And shaping what he wills, 
Brings forth a thousand joys, 
A thousand ills--
He thinks in secret and it comes to pass; 
Environment is but his looking-glass"

Consider that.  The effect of any experience we have is molded purely by the power of our minds.  Man is mind, therefore, we are able to control and use that tool to shape our experiences for good or bad.  Even the thoughts you do not act on are influencing you.  The world around us, our lives, are reflections of how well we are wielding that tool.

When I have a bad day, I have begun to ask myself, "how am I using my greatest tool?"  Being of course, my mind.  Every time, I realize that the point in time where things go wrong, is the point when I have allowed my mind to run in the wrong direction.

This is not to say that our thoughts will always mold our environments to be ideal.  If someone is rude to me, I can not think an apology out of them.  I can, however, choose to think the best of that person, and refuse to allow those words to have a lasting effect.

That's an easy one.  Let's get a little more gritty.

Let's say I've made some really bad choices that have landed me with a crippling addiction.  It has depleted my health, mental wellness, and distanced my loved ones.  I can not think those loved ones back to me, or erase my choices.  But what can my tool accomplish?  Tools are made to build.  The power of thought can build a happy life, but I must learn how to handle it.  Confront your weakness, make a conscious commitment, surround yourself with support, detach yourself from the opinions of those who don't support you.  

What I am trying to get across is the miracle that YOUR THOUGHTS can get you through the most crucial elements of any goals you have in your life!

Try it, I dare you.
Just think about it.


Pun intended.

The Tooth Fairy

I was recently asked, "If a movie were made of your life, do you think people would watch it?"

At the risk of sounding cocky, absolutely.

I've had a pretty good amount of adventures in my time.  The fact that I am still pretty young is encouraging to me.  There are many adventures to look forward to.  One of the main reasons I started this blog was to have a place to regale an imaginary audience with my treasure trove of stories.  I'm happy to know that my audience isn't as imaginary these days.

I hope I will continue to amuse you.  And only on rare occasions will I attempt to make you cry.  Promise.

Today's recollection stems from my childhood.

I wouldn't go as far as to say I was a gullible kid.  Not really gullible.  But eager to believe in the fantastic.  Unicorns?  Obviously real.  Narnia?  I tried my closet on a daily basis.  Peter Pan?  I waited by my window every night.  Don't get me started on Santa.  The big guy and I have a rich history.

But this story is how I debunked the Tooth Fairy.

The tooth fairy to me was a serious pursuit.  It was one of the few mythical creatures that left evidence.  After losing my first tooth, and finding a couple quarters under my pillow, two things went through my head:

1. Tooth Fairy is a cheapskate.
2. I'm going to catch her next time and get at least a dollar.

Now a few lost teeth came and went, and I missed the little sneak every time.  Never more than 50 cents.  Sometimes she would throw in a piece of candy.  It infuriated me.  I remember telling my dad that I was getting gypped, and he told me the Tooth Fairy's budget was probably getting cut.

Nice cover, Dad.

The day came that I lost my last baby tooth.  The last one.  It was now or never.

I went to bed that night, tooth under pillow, and stayed on watch as long as my eyes would allow.  As the hours wore on, they became very heavy...

I jolted awake very early.  The sun was not quite up yet.  I panicked, and looked for quarters, but found my tooth still under my pillow.  I was relieved.  I hadn't missed her yet!  I was concerned though, because I knew that once the sun came up, she would have to wait until the next night.

I ran to my parent's room, because my mother was the authority on all things mythical (I'm so glad to this day she encouraged my rampant imagination).  I whispered hurriedly that the Tooth Fairy had not arrived yet, and sunrise was not far off.  My mother exclaimed that the Tooth Fairy must have had a very packed route that night.  She was sure that I would not be missed though, and told me to get back in bed and go to sleep, just to make sure.

So I did.  I dove back into the blankets, and did my best fake snore.  Ten minutes passed.  Fifteen.  I cracked my eye open and spotted the beginning of the sunrise outside.  I bolted to my mother's bedside again and declared rather bossily that the Tooth Fairy was running out of time.  My dear mother groggily defended the winged creature, and told me to try one more time to go back to sleep.

I cocooned myself in bed once again, and slowed my breathing.  Cracking my eyes open enough to catch any movement.

After about ten minutes, I heard my bedroom door open.  I was a little confused, because I had always imagined the Tooth Fairy using the window.  Her footsteps also sounded kind of heavy.  How big is this lady exactly?  Isn't the Tooth Fairy little, like Tinkerbell?  I couldn't resist any longer.

My eyes flew open and so did my mouth.

My mother stood before me with a guilty look on her face, two quarters and a piece of butterscotch candy in hand.  She was reaching for my pillow.

"Mooooommmm...?" I drew out, starting to put two and two together.

Needless to say, the illusion was officially shattered.

In the days that followed, my sweet mother would insist that she was called in by the Tooth Fairy to pick up my stop.  But it was too late.  I knew the truth.

The Tooth Fairy and my mother were the same person.

And my mom was not a fairy.

The Tooth Fairy was a lie.

My young heart was not too broken.  After all, I still had a chance to catch Santa on Christmas Eve.  He still hadn't brought me that pony I kept asking for.

Off My Chest.

Hello love, I'm happy to see you again.

Let's do what I do best, and talk in depth about my life.

As you may recall, I lost my job a couple months back.  At the time, it felt like getting dumped.  I had poured my heart and soul into a relationship, and felt it was mutual.  When I was let go, I was told that I was perfect for the company, yet there was too high a percentage of office error.  When that happens, they are obligated to cut down the areas where the highest level of error lies.  At the time that made sense to me.  A company has to make money to survive.  This was a business.  I hadn't realized I had fallen so far off the track.  I left that job feeling guilty.  A failure.  After all, in my exit interview, hadn't they said I was perfect for this company?

After the shock wore off, and I was feeling more myself again, I stepped back and realized that my old job has a massive flaw.  I wonder if they realize.

I've debated writing about this for some time.  Because I still consider the people I worked with there, some of the highest caliber of people I've ever met.  I'm sure a handful of them will read this.  But if nothing else, I gotta keep myself honest.

See working there, they work hard to make it fun.  And making people feel valued.  Which I love.

But.

Let's go back to my relationship analogy.

If you are dating someone who tells you you are perfect, makes your life fun, and constantly emphasizes that you are part of a family, you expect that relationship to last, providing your efforts are mutual, of course.

Here is what will always leave a slightly bitter taste in my mouth about that job -
Don't promote that the office is a "family" if you have a capacity limit on their strengths and weaknesses.  And don't promote the office is a "family" if you don't acknowledge them after you let them go. (Liking my Facebook status once in a while hardly counts).

I stand by that company as a great one, and I would recommend their services, hands-down over their competition.  But sometimes there are gaping holes you don't see until you are on the other side.

Anyone who has lost a "great" job can level with me on that one.

Now fast forward to the present.
Oh goodness, there will be a whole separate blog post on this soon, I promise.
I will just say though...
My life has transformed 100% in the most incredible way.

I won't go into a ton of detail yet, but I won't leave you entirely in the dark.

I am healthier then I've been in years.
I get to spend my days at home with my son.
I am actually going to be able to finish my books.  Hallelujah.
I will be able to help my husband quit his job soon (Oh, that gives me goosebumps).
Which means my husband and I get to work together, from home.
Or from Europe.  Which is also in the plans.
My husband can enjoy going to school, minus the rat-race pressure.
We are able to hand-pick the people we want to work with.
(On a slightly braggy note, sorry, but it helps that a large percentage of these people are wildly successful millionaires).
Best of all, I've never been more at peace with myself.  Guys, it turns out, I am pretty awesome.

Yep, that's what I said.