It's Not You...

Unemployment.  Yeck.

Yes, I've got my blues music playing.  I get at least 1 day to wallow in self-pity.  And it is 11 o'clock.  So I still have one hour to go.  Then pity party over.

*Sigh* - and I didn't even get balloons.

I got dumped guys, and I won't pretend it didn't sting a bit.  Let me explain this in traditional Jessica style.

Foxy* and Jessica - A Love Story

(*name totally changed)

Foxy and I had a great relationship from the start.  He offered me all the riches and comforts I desired, and praised me for my every quality.  I was so smart, witty, confident, charismatic, capable.  Foxy, well, so was he.  I dove in with all the passion of a new love.  Every hour I spent with Foxy was like a missing puzzle piece I had finally found.  There was a completeness and driving momentum to make it even better.  And in the beginning, we excelled with one another.

Of course Foxy had flaws, the same as I did.  But I think in the beginning, we both did not care to see them in each other.  We were made for each other it seemed, why ruin a good thing?  Doubts formed, and were just as swiftly brushed aside.  I guess I should have listened.  The signs were there.

Foxy and I had an open relationship, I guess you could say.  It didn't mind sharing.  In fact, I felt included in a family of sorts.  Foxy couldn't help it, he was so easy to love.  People were drawn to him.

Foxy was warm, accepting.  You'd never have thought he was capable of turning someone away.

But this morning, Foxy looked me right in the eye, and told me I was perfect, but not perfect enough.  I felt my mind go numb, and the contradictions flew left and right.  But I didn't know how to form the sentences.  I couldn't even be mad.  Even in rejecting me, Foxy managed to make me feel loved.  If you've never experienced a confusing emotion, try that sucker on for size.

And even now, now that I have been able to process and adapt.  Now I lack anger or indignation.  Because Foxy did give me an invaluable gift.

The knowledge that I am good enough.  To be nothing but myself.  Our love affair was brief, passionate, and heart-breaking in the end.  But, don't they make the best love stories anyway?  Shakespeare wrote tragedies for a reason.

Foxy, you'll always hold a special place in my heart.  Curse you for your happiness-driven, honorable ways.

And that will be that, with that.