I Say Things.

Ladies, never base the decision to move on a boy.
It makes it difficult to ever regain a social life.

I moved to Arizona a little over 2 years ago from Utah for the sole purpose of marrying my soul mate, and hey, it did actually work out for me.  But let me tell ya, I didn't realize some of the side affects.

Mainly the one where socially... I am now a square peg in a round hole.

Let me be clear, I made the right decision.  Just that picking up everything for one person is a lot.

I had a really solid group of friends I saw daily before moving.  Not exaggerating.  We were inseparable.

A Fearsome Threesome

In fact, I was quite the social butterfly in Utah.  The person who somehow has a thing every night.  Always somewhere to be.  I liked staying busy.  I liked feeling like I was experiencing a lot.

But somehow after 2 years, I have not made a single friend in AZ. 

#feelingpathetic

And maybe I am at the point where desperation has punched reason out the window.

Because, see, I am a pretty open person by nature.  I make weird confessions, am overly sarcastic, have no athletic skill, and laugh at inappropriate things.

And up until now, I didn't realize that not everyone shares in my enthusiasms.
Go figure.

I've met some perfectly pleasant people.  But it doesn't take long before something I do/say receives the "let's pretend that didn't happen" look.
I am having issues moving past the acquaintance phase.

But maybe there is hope.  I decided to overcome what has become a near phobia of friendship attempts, and invite a girl I know to see a movie with me.

The evening went pretty well.  I think I kept my embarrassing/overly revealing confessions to a minimum, and managed to keep all inappropriate/sex puns and jokes out of the conversation.  We giggled a lot, which was nice.  Genuine giggles, no courtesy laughs (I hope).

And then... the end of our evening arrived, and we were winding down the conversation, and it went sort of like this:

B:  This was really fun!  We should hang out more.
J:  Ahaha, be careful, an offer like that I would be tempted to take advantage of.
B: That's fine with me!
J: I'm just going to constantly harass you now...

I'm just going to constantly harass you now.

Ah, and it was going so well.
She did smile though, which reassured me she doesn't think I'm a creeper.

I call that friend potential. :)
Watch out world.
I'm making social advances.

Dear Adolescant Jessica-

You are about to enter a pack of rabid dogs.  Also known as high school. 

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT eat any of the chicken.
It's sketchy at best.

Please keep in mind that the next four years do not mean jack crap.  They will not define the rest of your life in the way everyone emphasizes.  I promise.  Although it is true you will not be the same person when you leave, high school does not put a cap on your potential for happiness in the future.  So as weird as it sounds, try not to care so much.  Mostly I mean socially.  I mean, still work hard in your classes.  Education is legit important.

Also, 3 years from now you will not be able to stop using the word "legit" for everything.  Sorry.

Freshman year is going to be really fun and crazy for you.  But still.  I have warnings.

Just because your brother is a senior... well it doesn't mean that his friends are your friends.  Those boys are funny and cute and all, but please avoid crushes on that bunch.  There is one exception later if you do.  But we'll get into that.

Speaking of crushes.  Gary is NOT your first love.  He is an infatuation.  You have no idea what love is, so stop doodling his name and following him up and down the halls like a lost puppy.  Also, joining speech and debate team just to spend time around him is ridiculous.  Speech and debate will do a lot of great things for you, but getting you with Gary is NOT one of them.  And... umm... in about 8 months you will be the first person he comes out to.  He's gay Jess.  So I mean... just stop.

Please stop caring so much about the way people look at you.  Let that hair frizz, and let those braces reflect the light like a beacon.  Don't turn beet red when people see you walk into the door because you were so focused on the book you were reading.  It was a good book, and you have nothing to apologize for. :)

After freshman year things get bad for a while, but just stick it out.

Yes, Delta sucks, and it's small, and you are indeed meant for greater things.  Just hang in there and keep your focus.  Keep writing those poems and short stories I know you will never show a soul.  Keep smiling at the little things.  Don't let those critics out there make you bitter.

Leave the boys alone.  It's an impossible request at your age, I know.  But here is the thing, the guys you end up dating in high school... they are bad news.  Spoiler: they don't mean a single one of the promises they make.  None of them love you.  They really just want in your pants, but don't you DARE let them.  (I already know you don't, but still.)  Also, before you even try to date Walker, kick him realllly hard in the balls for me, would ya?

And remember how I said to stay away from your brother's friends?  Caleb is void from that rule.  He will be more of a gentleman to you, be sweeter, listen, understand, and take better care of you than any other guy you date in high school.  He will restore your faith in the male gender.  And you'll need that.

Ms. Houser is amazing.  She will give you more out of your high school experience than any other teacher.  Also, Stites for College Am. History will be your favorite class.  So don't worry about that one anymore.

Listen to your parents.  They know what they are doing.

Some of your "friends" will use you.  A lot.  Stop letting people do that to you.  If they can copy your homework, but not even lend you a pencil, they are not your friends.

Courtney, however, is your friend.
Shelby is not.
In fact, forget Shelby.  Bad news.

Your dad becoming bishop IS a good thing.  Embrace it.  These girls in your new ward will be better friends to you than most people ever have the privilage to know.

Now, let's talk a little bit about this exchange.

List of do's:
DO learn the language.  No your host family will not be helpful.  Yes try anyway.
DO spend more time eating.  You will miss that food so much.  Eat all the time. :)
DO be yourself
DO not be embarassed that you seem to take to things slower.  It is a new culture, this is acceptable.
DO cry when you miss home.  Don't bottle up emotion.
DO pray and go to church.
DO be fearless.
DO ditch more Rotary meetings. ;)

List of don'ts:
DON'T pretend for the other exchange students.  If they don't want a Jessica who doesn't drink and smoke pot until senseless, they can ruin their own experience, not yours.
DON'T apologize for your faith.
DON'T hesitate to ask for help.
DON'T fall for a British accent
DON'T miss the dang bus.
DON'T ditch Hungarian lessons.
DON'T waste your money.
DON'T have regrets.

Also, Elder Hosch?  Hang on to that one. :)  He's pretty special.

In the end dear, you'll make it out on top.  Truthfully, I think of you often, and I consider myself lucky to have known you.  You are a more wonderful person than you give yourself credit for.  Take care, and stay strong.  I'll see you soon.


Love,
Adult Jessica

Er... Uhmm.. Well...

I have an imagination, I swear.

It's just that I grew up in a fairly small town where having an excessive imagination was also called being a weirdo.  My peers were always so gracious... (gag).  So I've kinda habitually stifled mine.  Which isn't fair.  So nevermind, small town.  Your criticisms are behind me.

I write a lot.  And maybe people should start reading things that I write.

And I hear blogs are great for that.
How marvelous.

I am married with a 6 month old son.  I am also 21, which is kinda young, I am told.  And honestly, I couldn't agree more.  But I don't really plan these things.  Planning is not my forte.

However, my husband is a handsome fox, and my son is my precious monkey.  Which makes me the zookeeper.  A title I take with pride.

But before I got married and popping out babies, I had this idea that maybe I'd like to write books.  'Cause I really like to read yo!  Anything I can get my greedy fingers on.  So why not create something myself?   To be honest, my progress has been rather hindered by unforseeable events.

Such as marriage and motherhood. 

But maybe I can still do both.
Maybe. :)

I've been testing this theory by staying up to the wee hours of the morning frequenting the kitchen and picking my brain apart in front of my computer screen.  It turns out that my imagination still churns out some interesting things these daaaays...

So, ladies and gentlemen, we have a plot on our hands.
It was really a novel idea.

I know, I'll stop.

So if you'll pardon me, I have some cherry bombs and caffeine to consume.
And then I continue writing.

P.S. I usually make a mockery of recipies like these.  But really, they are delicious.  Idiotproof even.  You should try.  Pure Deliciousness

These are mine though.  I may or may not devour them all tonight. (May.)