I Came Across This Gem

I think I am addicted to notebooks.  I have SO MANY.

I don't know if this is a "me" thing, or a writer thing, but every time I pass an aisle of notebooks or journals at any given store, I want one.  I just have these visions of filling each one up with lovely thoughts.  

*contemplate Peter Pan tangent... no, that obsession will have to wait for another day.*

Anyhow, I came across some really great pieces I had forgotten about.  I thought I would share one with you.  It must have been written sometime last year shortly after having my son...

It is entitled, "Forgetful Lucy"

I'd like to write a poem today,

But frankly, I don't know what to say.

My life of late has been quite dull

The daily grind, the push and pull.

Wake up early, feed your child

Keep him in check or he'll run wild.

Try to remember you have to eat

As you attempt to keep things neat.

The laundry should be folded, I know

But my baby's diaper decided to blow

Running, running here and there,

My sanity never had a prayer.

Oh Past Jessica, I promise, it does get much easier.

Blogtober Day 27: I'm A Grown-Up

My oldest friend is doing Blogtober with me, and today she wrote about becoming a grown up.

And all I can think of is, when did we get old?

Not that we are OLD old.  But when did we start getting degrees and making babies and stuff?  Just yesterday we were trading food in our lunches and pledging to form the greatest girl band ever seen.

Now I pay bills.  Those things I used to hear my father grumble about.  Now I drive my car places all by myself.  Now I make my own meals and attempt to do my own laundry.

I feel like I missed a step.

I mean, I know what step I missed.  I never really got the college experience.  Never had a dorm, or roommates.  I never had to sign up for classes or buy textbooks at extreme prices.  Honestly, it makes me sad that I didn't get to do all that.  Instead, I fell madly in love and got married.

Psh, inconvenient, right?

(Josh, I am still madly in love with you.  Always.)

I will go to college (sooner than later), and it will be wonderful. 

I'll probably pop out a few more babies, hopefully write many books, and continue being a grown-up.

What other choice do I have?

Just because I'm an adult does not mean I will stop spending hours coloring when I'm stressed, or making faces in the mirror when I'm tired.

Because age is just a number, folks.

Blogtober Day 23: Personalities

So, I've discovered since having a child that there are two versions of me that I alternate daily.

Mommy Jessica and Normal Jessica.

It's like they are duking it out to see which is more dominant.  I am not sure what the score is, but it has to be pretty even.  I feel like I must confuse people because depending on when they interact with me, I could be a completely different person.  Jekyll and Hyde.  Really, though.

Obviously, most of the time when I'm at home, I am Mommy Jessica.  She is a responsible one, I tell you.  She cleans a LOT, and makes sure everyone eats on time.  Please, turn the music down, because she just put the baby to bed. 

Mommy Jessica has a different dialect.  Her voice is usually on the softer side, unless protecting her young.  Repetitive syllables are a stable to her language.  For example: "Are you ready for da num nums in your tum tums?" would be a common phrase she uses.

It used to be that Mommy Jessica was only present around her child.  But now she pops up any time anyone in her vicinity is exhibiting childish or childlike behavior.

It turns out adults aren't a fan of Mommy Jessica all the time.

Then Normal Jessica, well, she's different.

Less reserved, less cautious, and less prone to wipe your face with her sleeve.

Sometimes, I forget she exists, and I am pleasantly surprised when I remember her.  Because as nice as Mommy Jessica is, I don't want to be stuck in her shoes forever.

Blogtober Day 22: Speak The Words

Oh, today.

I am tired of trying to think of "topics".

So for the rest of Blogtober, I just write things.  Of my life.  Those things.

I was counting on sleeping until 8 at least.  My son has been really good at sleeping in lately, and I've been loving it.  But when my dearest darlingest hubby woke up this morning, he was a tad bit loud.

Who has to blow their nose that many times in 3 minutes?

It was ok though, because my little man was pretty cheerful and giggly after some breakfast, which made me cheerful and giggly too.

One thing I miss about being a kid, was when you had to get up early, you just accepted it.  As adults, we fight it so hard.  I can't help it though.  If I could buy sleep, that is most likely where all my money would go.  Luckily, it's free.  Sort of.

We went to the mall last night and walked around.  It is so hard to take Landon to stores with us, because everything he likes, I am dying to buy it for him.  I swear, sometimes the sole reason I wish I had more money, is to spoil the crap out of my child. 

I used my quarters to buy Landon a ride on a little train machine.  You know the ones that go back and forth, that you often see outside of grocery stores?  He seemed pretty bewildered at first, and then was hypnotized by the flashing buttons until it stopped.

Oh, oh, and.

We went in the pet store to look at puppies, and there were two rather excited ones in a kennel.  Josh would lower Landon so the puppies could lick his hands, and he LOVED it.  I mean, shrieks of delight, smiles galore.  Oh, for the day I can get my kid a puppy.  I will win happiest parent of the year.

Josh makes me laugh.  Every day all the time.  Even when I don't want to, he knows how to weasel a grin out of me.  I'm lucky.

After Landon went to bed last night, we cuddled with hot chocolate and watched The Nightmare Before Christmas.  Cozy. :)

Now I want to go light my new candle, because it smells like cinnamon, and makes my house smell like Autumn.

Blogtober Day 13: Adult Babies, Not Cute.

My son is currently 9 months old, and basically everything he does is adorable.  I do mean everything.  The kid could set the house on fire, and we'd still be sitting there like, "awww."

My husband has noticed the attention I give to our son, and has made a few attempts to get my attention in similar ways.  We've come to the conclusion that most of the things babies do... are NOT cute if you are an adult.

So here, all the things babies can get away with, and we can not.

-Stick their fist in their mouth.
-Tear off their diaper and make a run for it.
-Unintelligible noises/babbling
-Giggling over poop
-Bang their fists against the wall when it is nap time.
-Pulling out hair, earrings, and eyelashes of anyone who is holding them.
-Spilling food all over themselves.
-Try to ride the dog.
-Scream until you receive food
-Blow bubbles with spit and boogers
-Create a flood during bath time
-Test any item you hold by putting it in your mouth first.
-Paper?  Rip it all.  To shreds.
-Ruin every new outfit they are dressed in.
-Find a way into every shelf, cabinet, and bag that is forbidden, and then emptying the contents

Just a start.
But really.

Blogtober Day 3: Faith in Fear

Today's post could get a little layered, so you know.

The reason is, this post is about my children, and their children.  Maybe even your children, living or yet to come.

I spent a lot of time watching my son grow.  Watching him crawl, learn new sounds, places, foods, and people.  I have watched him learn how to roll, get new teeth, and stand up.  Right now, things are about as basic as they'll ever be for him.  Lately, I've felt this dull ache in my chest spawned from the vain hope that things could stay this way.  Uncomplicated, happy, and simple.  Because the world is changing, and I don't like it.

It isn't that I'm afraid of change.  I've come to understand that change is a necessary and important part of life.  I'm simply conscious of the fact that the world we currently live in, is significantly more frightening than the one I grew up in.

I'm about to sound like kind of a geezer, but when I was a kid:
-My parents didn't have to worry about gunmen when they sent me to school.
-I was taught to respect my elders.
-We sat down and had dinner as a family every night.
-If someone was different from me, they were to be accepted, not compartmentalized.
-My 1st grade classmates didn't pass around playboys in class.
-Our President was not a decietful coward.
-Education meant something.

Well, that's a start anyway.

How can I protect him, when it seems the whole world is planning for his failure?

Will the things I teach him be enough?

I'm sure every parent has these worries.  I'm sure I can't be alone in this.
But our children are.

Because for all that we do, when they leave our houses, they have to choose for themselves who they are.

My one comfort is knowing that my Heavenly Father is on my side.
Without him, we would all surely fail.

I am writing this post with a frustrating lack of solutions.  It's not like I can "fix" the world for my children.

I just have to believe that God will not put us up against more than we can handle.
More than they can handle.

“Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.”
-Gordon B. Hinkley