Blogtober Day 29: Exhaustion

I'm completely exhausted today, and that's all I can think about.

I have been having night after night of insanely vivid dreams and nightmares, each waking me and soothing me in turn.  It's a reckless cycle, and I have reached the point where I would do anything to break it.

I don't feel overly stressed, or anxious, or even depressed as compared to normal.  In fact, I've been relatively content lately.  But nights are... a different story.

It's a good thing Halloween is coming up, because I know I look like a complete zombie shuffling around.  My hope for today is that work tires me out so badly tonight, I can come home and crash without a second thought.

I need sleep.  I want it.  Crave it, even.  Yet it evades me.

Have you ever reached that point, where you are so tired, everything feels like it isn't real?  Like you are moving in slow motion, and every reaction is delayed while you decide if it's real or not?

I keep catching myself staring into the wall.  Maybe if I stare long enough a hole will appear.  It will get bigger and bigger until it swallows me up.  Then, in the black nothingness of the hole I will sleep as long as I want.

Ugh, everything feels so heavy.

My eyelids feel heavy.

I'm shriveling.

Blogtober Day 22: Speak The Words

Oh, today.

I am tired of trying to think of "topics".

So for the rest of Blogtober, I just write things.  Of my life.  Those things.

I was counting on sleeping until 8 at least.  My son has been really good at sleeping in lately, and I've been loving it.  But when my dearest darlingest hubby woke up this morning, he was a tad bit loud.

Who has to blow their nose that many times in 3 minutes?

It was ok though, because my little man was pretty cheerful and giggly after some breakfast, which made me cheerful and giggly too.

One thing I miss about being a kid, was when you had to get up early, you just accepted it.  As adults, we fight it so hard.  I can't help it though.  If I could buy sleep, that is most likely where all my money would go.  Luckily, it's free.  Sort of.

We went to the mall last night and walked around.  It is so hard to take Landon to stores with us, because everything he likes, I am dying to buy it for him.  I swear, sometimes the sole reason I wish I had more money, is to spoil the crap out of my child. 

I used my quarters to buy Landon a ride on a little train machine.  You know the ones that go back and forth, that you often see outside of grocery stores?  He seemed pretty bewildered at first, and then was hypnotized by the flashing buttons until it stopped.

Oh, oh, and.

We went in the pet store to look at puppies, and there were two rather excited ones in a kennel.  Josh would lower Landon so the puppies could lick his hands, and he LOVED it.  I mean, shrieks of delight, smiles galore.  Oh, for the day I can get my kid a puppy.  I will win happiest parent of the year.

Josh makes me laugh.  Every day all the time.  Even when I don't want to, he knows how to weasel a grin out of me.  I'm lucky.

After Landon went to bed last night, we cuddled with hot chocolate and watched The Nightmare Before Christmas.  Cozy. :)

Now I want to go light my new candle, because it smells like cinnamon, and makes my house smell like Autumn.